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I complied to everything I did, I don't know if it's really my fault, I don't even know if all of it is true. I don't believe any of this happened to me. I use a coping mechanism where I don't believe it happened to me, I believe it happened to someone else. But slowly but surely I'm getting used to the fact that the victim is me. It all started when I was four years old, my mother thought it was a good idea to teach me the facts of life, sex, periods, all that stuff. When I was eight years old, I watched porn for the first time. I think I searched naked girls on google and it was the first website that was there. After that, I watched it regularly. Months later, I watched youtube, it was around that time youtubers would go on this anonymous chatting website called Omegle. I decided to go on that website and ignored the warning of predators. I went into the chat site and people would ask my age and I would tell them *skip*. They would immediately leave, except this one person.. this one person stayed but stayed silent for minutes. For what seemed like an eternity after my first 'hi' they responded with 'hello little girl'. I thought that was normal I didn't understand the tone of voice he was using. He then said 'I know where you live so you must do what I say'... and he then proceeded to tell me the city I lived in. It terrified me. I was a scared little kid knowing I shouldn't be on that site in the first place so I complied. He told me to go to a more private chatting app. I again complied. Through the name, he found out my full name, my age, my address, my family, my everything. He told me that if I didn't do what he wanted he would come to my house and kill my entire family and do what I saw in porn before killing me. I was so afraid, I was crying and shaking. He told me to send him a picture of myself naked. I complied without hesitation. He told me that was all he wanted and then he would let me go. He lied. He made me go on camera and do all sorts of things, from masturbating to fucking myself with a curling iron. The next part was a blur. All I remember is being told to go back on Omegle and find more people. I did it. From then on I would send nudes, do cam shows, tie myself up, shove random objects up my ass. I would do this for hours every night until I was twelve years old. I was told that
I was useless and only good for sex. I believed them. Apparently, the person who first found me would make thousands of dollars off me until I left when I realized that I could. This was around the time I started dating. I thought it was natural to show my significant others my body so I did, I showed them everything. To this day I have been in 23 relationships. Males, females, trans people, young people, old people, anyone. I met all of them online whether it be on Omegle or another chatting site. It wasn't until I found creeps I realized I deserved better. This one guy, he wanted me to tie myself up and cut myself, then pour my piss into the cuts. I was engaged to him. This other guy wanted to impregnate me so bad. He was an ex-drug dealer who hinted I should start doing cam shows again. I complied and began doing it making him a thousand dollars before leaving him. Those two examples happened this year. Because of everything that has happened it has changed me, I never learned any good skills, I never learned how to do art or cook or clean or play video games. I quit everything I was doing when I was younger because of stress, anxiety, depression. Now, for my parents they don't believe my mental illnesses are real. They don't believe that me being pansexual isn't just a phase. They don't believe I'm good at anything. One time, when I was severely depressed I threatened to kill myself they told me to go overdose on pills. One time, when I overdosed on pills I told my parents that I wanted to go to the hospital and they didn't care. This ending, will probably be awful because it doesn't end happily. I don't have any pills because my parents don't think I have a real illness. I don't have a therapist to help myself overcome my struggles. I've only sent one person to jail. Why? Because they threatened my best friend. No one else is in jail. I still live with my parents. I barely eat, because when I do all I get is frozen food. I tried to kill myself seven times. Why only seven? Because if I failed I was afraid the mental abuse would be too bad. Want to know the worst part? I'm only thirteen. But still no matter what, I complied.
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Thank you for reading my story, I understand itโs depressing and explicit but I needed to get that out.
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