Religion and my mother

So... where do I begin?

I am a religious person, but I am not devout. I have been a Christian since I was a child, and I have started doubting it since three years ago. I still pray every night, but I stopped going to church with exceptions on Christmas.

My mother has always wanted me to stay Christian. My sister never bought the whole religion aspect and my brother lost his faith last year. As the only one among my siblings who is a Christian, I find it frustrating that my mother doesn't trust me to explore my own faith. I am taking it time by time, yet she wants me to cling onto it tighter.

I thought about this a lot since Thursday, as I went to go to a dance meeting with my grandmother and brother. My maternal grandmother attends nearly everyday, and she found it very meaningful for us to go with her. I had a great time, with embarrassment only from being around more experienced individuals than myself.

I paid attention to the music being played, and I figured out that it was Christian music. I talked to my aunt about it, and she admitted that my mother recommended it to her. On the one hand, I am really glad that my grandmother has a way to exercise regularly. On the other hand, I know that my mother has motives.

My mother always wants to talk about Christianity to my family members to provide salvation. Although I am from the same religion, I do not think that what she is doing is the right thing. Chatting about it is fine, but she is trying to outright proselytize them. My paternal side of the family is mostly Buddhist, so to hear that my mother is trying to convert them is causing me discomfort.

I don't hate my mother. I just wish she didn't take this to the way she is taking it.

I just wanted to type this as I don't want to keep bottling it in.