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Dear husband,
I'm writing this letter because I finally find myself on the bottom.
Me and you we used to love each other so much... we used to not be able to keep our hands away from each other when we are together... We used to be so addicted to each other...
I still remember our first conversation...our first all night talk it was the same night you told me you love me for first time and the same time you told me we are together as a couple...Our first meeting and date when you got late and I thought you stood me up....I still remember our first kiss and the butterflies in my stomach...
I remember our second date when we went to your house and we were in your room and I wanted to have you so badly but I was trying to keep my hands away from you - because in my mind it was going only one thought it's too soon it's just our second date...and when we sneaked out through the back yard because your aunt came to the house... I don't even remember what happened after that this day...
I remember how I was booking a hotel for our third date... and I remember our first night like it was yesterday - I was a bit sick and you brought me tea when you arrived and after that I had the best night in my life... I still remember the silly song you send me after that...and that thought that went into my mind when I played it "What did I get myself into?"
I remember every single day/evening sitting in your car while you were working - all the kisses and all the deep conversations we had about the past about the future and about what we want from life....
And all this happened only in 1 month... in that one month I got to know you better then I knew myself...I knew I want to spend my life with you I knew I want you to be my husband and father of our kids....
It's been almost 4.5 years since we started talking 11 April 2014. And almost 4 years since we first met on 19 January 2015. And it's been a bit more then 2 years since we married in 02 June 2016.
All those dates mean so much for me... because each one of them is the best day of my life....
And all this just to find myself in the present... where I love you so much it hurts every time I think about you...crying while writing this unsent letter....
I don't remember when we started fighting or even for what...but we start fighting and we never stopped... I remember only the good times while you remember only the bad once and you made yourself forget the good memories...
"Marriage is a machine that needs constant care and repairs when get broken."
I admit that when you were fighting for our marriage to be saved I wasn't on the same page as you... I wanted to save it but I was too angry and mad at you...
Now you have given up... you have given up on me and our marriage...
And me I have finally catch up with you - I'm finally on that page where saving our marriage is my priority... just to find myself alone... as you are already on the next page and you have given up on me...
"Marriage is between two people who refuse to give up on each other"
Every time I try to talk to you and ask you to step back on that page and work with me you refuse and just get angry with me...
You are always angry with me those days... you regret it being with me... and you regret our marriage...
And you don't even see how much I'm hurt... you don't see the pain I'm in... because I'm all alone trying to fix a marriage in which I'm all alone... there is no two people refusing to give up on each other...but one person refusing to give up and one that has given up completely...
No marriage is perfect there is always ups and downs there is always conflicts and different opinions - but with communication those things they get sort out... Something so basic that we are lacking completely a simple communication...
When I try talking to you I feel like my words go in through one of your ears and go out through the other...
"A strong marriage requires two people who choose to love each other even on those days when they struggle to like each other."
I can say so many things but actually the one thing I want to say to you is that I love you!.. and the only thing I really want to hear you saying again to me is "I love you my silly girl"
Sincerely and always yours,
Your wife.
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