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I just think it's funny you know. how you can be in a relationship for so long and build a life with someone and slowly overtime it just denigrates. Like mine for instance, I have been seeing the same guy for almost four years, yes FOUR years and only recently have I became detached from the relationship. I feel bored and the lack of stimulation from my partner is killing me. We used to have a spark, and God knows I still love him, but something is missing. I'm bored. All we ever do is sit around on our asses,watch movies and eat fast food. I want to run, climb , swim, jump, explore! I want to seek out thrills and be spontaneous. Everything we do has to be planned with him. I mentioned my mental health, or lack there of, to him. Only when I express how I really feel does he offer to take me somewhere and do something. I want to go on an adventure, and what does he recommend??? MINI GOLFING?! I can't with this man, again I love him so much , but really? Like that will cheer me up at all. I feel like I'm going crazy. He so sweet and smart and kind and attentive, but when it comes to going out and being a real human being I'm not feeling it. Then I start developing another issue. Since my relationship is so dull and there isn't really a line between friends with benefits and an actual romantic relationship, I've began to develop crushes on people...Like a frigging school girl would! For instance I just like to see an attractive man and paint a vision in my head of what he is like. I even have a current crush on a man in one of my college classes who seems a lot older than me, but has a kind face and strong body. He took his hat off in front of me today and he's BALD yet I still found him attractive , even though that's never been my thing. I guess it's easier to daydream about people I don't know than to think of my boyfriend, who I know a little too well, and feel disappointed. I want to stay with him I want a life with him and I feel so guilty for having all of these feelings, so what the hell? Why is my brain deciding it's not enough anymore?
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Hey there, it's normal (commendable?) to change over time. The person you are now isn't the same as 4 years ago, any more than that person was the same as 4 years before that. Unfortunately this means relationships have to evolve. Maybe have a talk with him and spell it out that you want to grow, not stagnate?
My own take on things is that monogomy isn't all it's cracked up to be. Unless both people can evolve together, it's inevitable that one or both will end up holding the other back. So, after my last breakup 5 years ago (for the same reasons), I decided I'd be clear with every new prospect and tell them that I'm in a very spontaneous phase of life and with no desire to "settle down". You'd be surprised at how many people are open to that idea. Not everyone wants to grab a mate, have kids and wither away into obscurity on a couch lol
ReplyI only want a committed relationship . Yes too many people are into just sleeping around. I don't want anyone that is like that. Nor do I want to be.
ReplyJust because someone is going through something doesn't mean that they are not evolving ....the people who helped in that know who they are!
ReplyThere are plenty of things I like to do. I have responsiblies. I don't have money nor time. Not everyone is free to do whatever !!!!
ReplyAlso...you can have what you have with one person.
Unless of course your a sex addict. Lol
Reply