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(Side note: I have posted this before but anonymously, so I reposted it to be able to keep track of comments etc.)
Hi
I don't really know how to start this off I just know that things aren't going particularly well currently. I thought life was getting better what with moving onto the next part of the educational system and all, but it's going downhill to be honest and I can't stop it. This is kind of just something for me to vent and maybe get help. I don't know how much people will be able to help me though. Let's start off with the basic one first.
So, first of all, one of my closest friends is currently really annoyed at me. It's quite long to explain but anyway, we used to date and then broke up (because I realized I didn't like them romantically and that the way they treated certain people was quite rude). When we broke up we stopped speaking for a couple of months because every time I looked at them I felt so much anger and it took me a while to figure out why. Turns out I felt guilty for going out with them and so turned those strong feelings of guilt into anger directed towards them. But it was also partly their fault because they turned into someone quite rude and it made me angrier. Problem was, when we broke up, and stopped speaking, it was pretty sad because we had literally been best friends prior, and it ruined our friendship to not talk anymore. They were upset that I wasn't talking to them and I was angry (for reasons I already explained) and also thought that it might be better if we didn't talk for a while to give us space and let me calm down (I realize now that this wasn't the best idea and I could have handled this situation more maturely). We eventually became friends again and started rebuilding our friendship, except they went to a different college this September and I stayed at my original school's college so we hung out every couple of weeks to maintain it. But then they made a new friend at their new school who is annoyingly similar to me, but basically better than me (we're from the same country which is quite rare where I live and they got better grades than me; they're also prettier and seemingly more likable - bear in mind we haven't actually met). I was obviously quite annoyed by this because it feels as if I am being replaced so I voiced my thoughts except it didn't really work out right. They (my close friend) said it was unfair that they couldn't leave me but I was fine with ignoring them for a couple of months. They said they're not upset about it anymore except they obviously are because they keep sending pictures of their new friend, and answering in quite a cold way when I try to keep a conversation going. I tried to organize a meet up to sort things out with them but they kept giving excuses saying they're busy. Honestly, at this point I'm so confused because if they'd gotten over what happened, why are they annoyed at me? What am I supposed to do now?
Anyway that's the end of my first (and honestly least important) problem. I'll continue with my next worst. (Also thank you for sticking around until now)
Okay so, I don't really know how to word this but I'm slightly concerned about my mental health. I've always been quite an angry person, but I'm starting to realize lately that really small stuff set me off and then when something huge happens that should have me erupting, I'm basically chill about it. I also have a habit of just randomly going into kind of quiet emotionless moods where I have to force myself to laugh to keep up pretenses. School is getting better now and it feels more natural when I laugh but sometimes I laugh really hard and feel as if it is real, but then realize that I could have easily not laughed because most things aren't as funny as I make them out to be. I sometimes feel as if, because I used to spend so much time trying to laugh with people to give the impression I was really happy, I've unintentionally trained myself to laugh really hard at something remotely funny. I do laugh properly sometimes but honestly I feel so fake at times and it hurts because I don't want to be. I'm starting to lose any sense of actual happiness and things I enjoy are kind of becoming lifeless. I just wish things were better. The main thing that is even making me unhappy in the first place is actually my third and worst problem, which I will now discuss (once again thank you for reading for this long!)
Lastly, my main problem is my family. My dad was quite abusive towards my siblings and I, and especially my mom. It used to be very physical but then last year I called the police and he went to prison, got a restraining order, and stayed away for a couple of months. Then he managed to convince my mom to take him back even though me and my siblings all said we didn't want him back. He has slowly creeped back into our lives permanently and now he lives with us all the time (for a while he had a job that required him to live away because it was too far and he would live with us on the weekends only). But now things are slowly getting worse. He literally spends at least once a day complaining abut something and he has threatened to hit my mom and us several times. He has actually hit my mom a couple of times and me once (I'm not too concerned about me though, he's a whole lot worse to my mom). Things are starting to get to be too much now. Recently it was my siblings birthday and on that day he goes on a whole rant about how my mom has done something wrong. He went on for so long and in the end when I said he's being horrible considering it's his own child's birthday, he just said something about how maybe we should've sorted what he was angry about out. He ended up ruining the whole atmosphere and eventually my sibling cried (this may have been due to the fact that I got really angry after this whole incident and didn't want to take part in any celebrations because he had ruined it anyway). I want to get help to remove him but I'm scared my mom will get in trouble because she was legally not meant to have let him in in the first place and she might get in trouble for putting us in "danger" and we may get taken away from her. I need someone to please tell me what to do about this, please. If there is one thing you want to give advice on, make it this, please.
Thank you so much for bearing with me and even if you can't help, I'm just glad you could listen.
Yours sincerely,
AM
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Wow. First of all I say I'm so sorry for all the awful things that life has throw at you. Now the ex friend thing, they obviously miss you but the pain you caused them means they want you to feel back too. So just ignore them and move on with your life. Say goodbye to friends that make you feel awful. Next the anger thing and mental health, well my only advice for that would be to try expressing those thoughts in something productive? Drawing or dancing or simply listening to music. As for the laughter, it's fine to laugh a little to hard at jokes, it's fine if your not really a laughing person at all, what matters is the people that make you happy and wanna be around you. But personally, I would take a step back and go for a walk to clear my head, sit on a bench and remember all the good things in life worth living for...like puppies or kittens or getting to watch the sunset or watching your favourite movie, listening to your favourite song? Because there's always something worth living for. Always. Finally the family stuff, in all honesty I would call the police if his being abuse again even if it got my mum in trouble at least she'd be safe from harm, at least my sibling would be safe. You would be safe. And as much as you want to protect your family sometimes letting them go is the best thing. I might be hard but I'll be worth it. Just know that people out there care about you. I care.
Hope this helps in some way! ;)
ReplyIk this was a month ago so sry for the delay but I posted something in this category so plz check it out if u c it.
1. Let go of that friend bc they’re fake and not worth it. There r better friends who don’t hold grudges and randomly get mad. Find new true friends
2. I suggest if ur rlly concerned talk to a therapist or c a doctor Incase it’s serious.
3. U should try to stay away from ur dad and try talking 2 ur mom about it and she might divorce and if she’s worried about him being mad convince her she doesn’t have to worry and she can call the police I don’t rly now about that last one but I gave my best advice good luck happy new year and 2019
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