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Thank you for keeping me safe tonight.
I didn't know that's what you were doing while it was happening,
but I know that now - you were keeping me safe
from somebody I didn't love, who was wrong for me,
who would've done wrong by me. I was giving him
a chance because I didn't want to *not* give him a chance,
and other people thought he was sweet, but as soon as he
told me what he felt about me, he was trying to hold my hand,
kissing my fingers in the car, wanting to step down on the gas pedal
and drive to apple orchards far outside the city on a normal Wednesday.
I've only talked to him a few times, I don't know who he is,
I can't go that fast with someone I barely know. I was going to tell him so
when he tried to kiss me in front of everyone last night. He took
my face in his hand and tried to push the hinge of my jaw so I'd
stop looking straight ahead, and look at him instead, and then
he'd take my mouth. In front of everyone. I wasn't scared, but maybe
I should've been. Maybe I wasn't scared because you were
looking out for me, Saint Lyric, from heaven. I wonder what's obvious
in heaven. Do you know as much as God does? God knows
who I truly love. If the man I truly loved tried to do what this
other man did last night, my jaw wouldn't have been locked.
But he would've known better than to put a move on me in public,
without asking, without letting me know who he is, and
we'd have too much fun sparring with each other
that maybe we'd forget to kiss (though I'd wish we wouldn't).
I love that man for the sake of loving him alone.
I know that nothing will ever happen between us,
because he's too conscientious, because he's too good,
because he wants me to trust him in a rare way.
That's okay. I'm happy with that. Tonight, the other man,
the stranger, told me that I will never do even one dirty
thing, and he said it as a condemnation. It hurt me,
that he would try to reframe my correct decision
as a sign of corruption. But then I came home
and lay in a hot bath very late at night
and realized how you saved me.
Saint Lyric, please keep saving me from the wrong people.
Strip away the veneer of kindness when kindness is fake.
Show me when someone loves me for me and not just for my face.
Guide me to the paradise where love is a two-way street.
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