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Okay, I grew up not expressing my troubles at all so I'm kind of used to it, but now I need to express myself before I explode. For all my life, my parents desired perfect grades and perfect children, being a middle child, I've always wanted their attention but they were always too busy working to help support the family. At times they'd help me with my elementary homework but now that I've grown up, they don't as much and I'm too afraid to ask for help. Not only am I afraid to ask my parents, I'm afraid to ask anyone. I was never the type of kid to ask for help with anything unless it was tiny. Along with that, so far my father has been putting me in the spotlight, saying that I will become the most successful in front of my siblings. Now that there's more pressure on me to do well in school and life in general, I just want time to stop, I just want to curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out. I'm not as successful as my father thinks. I'm not doing well in school this semester or ever in my life. I'm struggling to manage two jobs. I'm struggling to keep myself at peace. Not only am I struggling to manage all this stress, I also do everything last minute. I basically set myself up for failure. I'm so afraid to tell anyone. If only someone knew how I felt. Words cannot describe the emotions I go through everyday. I'm too tired to wake up, then I become afraid of what the day will bring. After dealing with all my duties, I think think long and hard about how angry I am at myself then I feel bad for letting everyone down. My heart beats really fast at times when I'm lost in thought too. What's wrong with me? It must be normal for everyone to experience this right? Yeah, but why is it so hard for me? I just want to be a volcano and explode already :(
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