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ok so I've been dealing with my thoughts for quite awhile now and it's sometimes irritating how it talks back to all the mistakes I made.
In our group of friends, I'm said to be "the counselor" well that's before, not now. because of what I'm feeling, I try to lay low and just help if someone needs my help, but it's so difficult to help when my thoughts are ruing everything. it becomes to the point that "the things you should not say to someone with depression," I say it to myself...
and when a friend needs my help and I'm there like, "ok I will help you" then my mind goes like "You are able to "help" your friend with your advice bbut you can't help yourself? How Pathetic" then I overthink if I am really helping or not.
It comes to the point that every "you're just a bother", "You're seeking for attention", "You're "mental health" is nothing compared to what your friend is experiencing" comes from me and is also directed to me and I'm just there saying "Why?"
It's also a problem that I know what is right and wrong. I know what I should and should not do. but I still think of negative things and do the wrong things and it's irritating because I don't want to do that..
it's frustrating to not be able to fully help someone when I know I am in need of help. yes I know that you can't help everyone but I cant help thinking that way... and it sucks...
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That is just how depression works. You might have heard about auto-immune disorders. These are caused by your body's immune system attacking good cells. I think of depression as being a similar disorder--your brain working against itself. It does suck. It's an evil, nasty illness. But it isn't your fault. Know that I am here feeling much the same way you described when I say try not to be so hard on yourself. You might not feel like you always do it in the best way, but the fact is that, at least for a short time, you are overcoming your "faults" in an attempt to help someone else. You are stronger than you think.
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