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So many nights a lay awake alone, house silent and still. The only thing i can hear is my heartbeat as i stare at the ceiling. I’m a senior in highschool with no goals, passions, or any motivation to push forward. But i still continue to drag myself on in life. And it’s so tiring you know?Constant stress and worry about college or the military, what i’m gonna be when i grow up. I’ve always been one to take the easiest path, and i thought the military was just that. But as i’m getting closer to graduating, the easier path seems so clear. It seems so simple but its scares me so much. I never wanted to be a failure to my mom or my grandparents, but i’m just not as strong as i thought. I always thought this lonliness would fade, or this new version of me would grow overtime but i think this is just how imsupposed to be, who i am.As i write this, my heart has been racing as fast as i’ve ever felt. i can literally feel the pounding throughout my body like there’s an earthquake but i’m the only one to experience it. Tears are running down my face as i stare at this screen typing away. Why am i like this...i don’t know. And i’m not sure if it’s worth finding out.
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Having anxiety about a life after school is normal, even healthy, it means you care about your decisions and the outcome of your future. Keep in mind that nothing is set in stone. Career paths change. And do not worry about failing. Just because you fail does not mean you are a faliure. We all have our stummbles in life and at some point all have felt lost (even for extended periods of time). Take deep breaths and plan out your future. What is it you want from life?
Good luck my friend!
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