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I’m 26. I have BPD, DID, and severe depression. I still live with my parents. I can’t work. I can’t do anything. All I do is go to therapy 2 days a week, write music, listen to music, draw and sleep. I can’t drive because I have such severe dissociative episodes that it would be unsafe to drive. I can’t connect with people at all and I don’t have the urge to connect with people. I’m basically not even a person. I don’t crave human interaction. I don’t crave love. I don’t crave social interaction. All I want to do at all times is sleep. I wanna just sleep. I’m rather skinny and I know it’s healthly mate. I’m 6 feet tall, but weigh only 115 lbs. I just don’t eat much. I sleep too much. My parents aren’t around often. My dad has a job where he travels often. My mom works 9 to 5 days so I see her, but she doesn’t really talk to me much. She asks when I’m going to leave and I have no clue how to answer that question. I don’t mean to stay here. I want my own nest, but you see I’m not okay. I have no emotions for days then have severe mental breakdowns where I pop a couple xanax and I’m good. I don’t like emotions. I refuse to feel them because my emotions are very scary and my thoughts and my reactions to things is intense and scary. My therapist has told me I need more meds and more meds, but I’m already on 4 different meds love I can’t take more. My therapist has helped me become so much more self aware, but I don’t have meaning or worth. I don’t have any friends and have never been in a relationship. I left school in grade 10 and have been in my room for basically 10 years. I write this today because I don’t know what to say. I feel so alone in this world. I feel like I’m the only person in the world like this. Maybe I want one friend? I can try? I’m not good at talking or socializing. I could try though. I don’t trust people. People could hurt me and god forbid I’d stay a robot for my whole life. Suicide could be an option. I don’t really want to die though. I just don’t want to exist. I want to kind of just leave and go into a forest and never come back out. I have nobody who will care. My mom often says I’m nothing to her. I wonder what other worlds I am going to see if I tried to be a normal human. Or I could stay a robot
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Could you maybe try going to like a church or something? Or a young adults meeting, idk if your religious or not but it could be helpful to believe in something.
ReplyI think this is such a good idea. There are so many compassionate, nonjudgmental, loving people in this world. Remember that. There are people out there who care immensely.
ReplyTry to get a hobby that’s outside of your room and house. The hobby can be anything you want, but the more you can out of your room and out of your head...even if it’s only for 30 mins a day then that’s a start. You’ll learn slowly, but surely that there are a lot of things in the world that you can do. Don’t give up hope. The world is a big place and you’ll find your calling. You just need to start weeding out the different things and slowly get more out into different areas. You don’t need to rush. Just take it one day at a time
ReplyI think finding something where you can interact with people that have the same problem or close to it could help you possibly. You got this, just believe in yourself. It is hard to interact with people, but I'm sure there are people out there that are waiting to hear from you and to be your friend. I also suck at socializing.
ReplyI just wanna hug you right now
ReplyI wish I could be your friend.
ReplyId be your friend..
Replyand i tough i was the only person like that
ReplyYou can write, write music, draw, you're self-aware and so much more. It sounds as though you would benefit from a different experience where you get out and meet people. Take a look at the WWOOF organisation where you live and stay on a farm for a while. They have members across the world.
Reply