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what to write ? what to say ? we dont know. we are blindfolded in this world . why am i here? why not next to my family? why did i have to come to a country where i ignore the language ,where i struggle to make friends ,where i feel lonely, where every wekend is the same story repearing itself . i dont want to work i dont want to do anything but at the same time i want to do something and i hate when i feel i cant do anything when fear wins over me, when i dont have anyone to talk to . i never made real genuine friends in my entire life . i hit the rock bottom on these rainy days the loneliness grows bigger and envelops me, adopts me. i become void, senseless i consider death with open eyes i dont sense i dont feel i dont live i dont exist. i talk to my mom she knows. she knows me better than anyone else. she tries to lighten up the mood but she never asks she never solves she is not supposed to solve but she doesnt try she becomes a little voice in my head a soft meagningless voice rambling. what should i do ? how is the world going to react to my state ? i dont know i try not to care because apparently no one cares or is everyone living the same thing? are we all living in this blurry reality where we pretend to see well . maybe . maybe yeah . yeah i think. i think it is . it is true.
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I also don't have any friends..but as you said your mom sometimes tries to cheer you up, it's the same for me too! But, you know what..? Whenever my mom makes an attempt to reach out for me..I eventually break down to her and tell my worries and share the deepest thoughts that I'm in..then, things sometimes start to feel better than nothing.. You can share things with your loved ones.. there's nothing wrong with it. I hope things will definitely start to change.. See yourself in mirror and try to find what makes you different from those others..what good do you genuinely want to do, by making even a slight change (trust me change matters for us with time, even it's a tiny bit!) ..It doesn't matter if you take a little time for yourself and try to make a change for your own good. ^^
Peace out <3
ReplyIt might seem that no one actually gives a shit about what's happening in your life but you, yourself do... if you don't love yourself enough, who'll ever love you?
NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, always remember you are beautiful
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