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I'm around that age where most people think about their futures and wanting to have a family of their own.
When I was little i had a very good imagination and wished to be a mom when I grew up. When I was a teenager the opportunity came up but I was much too young. As time went on, I was uncertain about having children but that eventually changed and the biological clock starts ticking. I always wanted a family of my own but, I would block the idea of it and kept it behind me because of disappointment. I feared that I wouldn't be able to have children of my own because of health concerns, genetics and other factors which prohibits the ability to concieve. It's this fear which makes me worry and anxious about the future when it comes to planning for a family. The what ifs and uncertainty of circumstances in hopes that it will turn out okay. This fear of having a healthy expectation while being fully committed to engage in and then to suddenly find yourself be devastated. To be completely hurt and destroyed by the bad news that you "can't" have or, it's "unwise" to have any babies due to do and so. I don't ask for much in this life but one thing I would like to at least have is the chance to bear children. I would do everything and the best I can to be a good parent. I don't know if I could live with myself finding out or knowing that I can't at least have that. I want everything to be secured and stable enough along with other aspects in my life too.
Heck, my parents had me young and weren't extremely well off but still managed somehow. It still had its challenges that is for sure but, somewhat normal then most. There's always the chance where circumstances could of been alot worst. Coming from my upbringing I would do alot of things better and the opposite of what my parents could of done differently. They aren't perfect parents but okay enough. I don't see why I shouldn't be given the chance to have kids of my own one day,unless of course there's extreme medical concerns. I do worry that I wouldn't be good enough too...
I'm ready but not just quite yet, there is hopes in the near future but only when things seem more in favor of certain matters.When the time comes and it feels right. I hope that I can bear my own, I would be beyond grateful that I could and share them the beauties of this earth. Have them be stronger than me to take on whatever this world would throw at them.
Life has been unfair... I do worry that I wouldn't handle it well if it's not possible and be even more heartbroken. There's other solutions and options available but I much rather my own flesh and blood. I guess, I will find out eventually.
For now, it can wait just a bit more.
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