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I am 14
I have Brown hair,
Green eyes
And a lot to talk about
Because I am not perfect
I am not perfect because my mind is different
Different in the ways that every night
It tortures me
Makes me think of things that I shouldn’t be thinking of
Thinking about death
That the world would be better without me
That I shouldn’t have been born
I’ve been told that it’s depression
But I’m happy - sometimes
Sometimes when the thoughts go away
When I’m at peace with the demons
And surrounded by friends
I’m truly happy
But other times,
I seem happy
But really, I’m not
I've gotten so good at pretending
That my best friend can't even notice
And I'm scared
Scared of myself and what I might do
Scared of my emotions
Of my ever-burning anger
My depressive lows
I am scared of what I might do to myself if this continues
I have grown to hate myself
Every part of me
The mask I wear every day
I hate it
All I want is just one night
One night where I don't feel like screaming
Where I'm not scratching myself
Biting myself
Pulling my hair
Just one night - is that too much to ask for?
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When such thoughts come think about your happy moments or involve in extra activities like movies, songs ,games etc
Replythank you, I will try that :D
ReplyDon’t be so quick to call it depression.
You seem like someone that’s struggling to find meaning in life.
It’s hard to go through each day when your always asking yourself why your not happy. The more time you spend thinking about what could make you happy is time you could be spending doing something you love.. you need to treat yourself better be kind to yourself and find what makes your special and hold on to that... trust me right now it seems hard but you can make things a little easier for yourself.. you need to get all your emotions off your chest.. scream if you have to find one person in the world you can talk to or if that’s too difficult then just say it to God I like to just sit down and tell God everything that’s happening in my life even though he already knows it just feels good to say it out loud and get it off my chest
ReplyI agree with this commenter. Also, I love green eyes. I think they're beautiful and rate 💚
ReplyThank you so much :D
Reply