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I have a habit of bottling everything up and to an extent, I am able to handle it well but sometimes it just isn’t so easy and umm… I cry.
Last Thursday there was a parent-teacher meeting which I attended with my mom and stuff happened I ended up crying, embarrassing myself and my mom and later in the car I say sorry but end up arguing and over a STUPID FUCKING MISUNDERSTANDING my mom BEATS my face not across my face oh no right in the centre 3 painful times, not 1. THREE. It should have hurt I should have been bawling but… I felt it on the outside nothing on the inside… I felt like I deserved it. Like this is how its supposed to be. I don’t know.
BACKSTORY: IM A FUCKING LONER, the only place I can talk to someone is fortnite! I made friends on there and during school weeks I dread school and only look forward to the weekends when my mom lets me play and I understand why.
BUT THIS BITCH! Took away my controller MIND YOU IT'S WINTER BREAK WTFFFFFFFF!
So imagine this no one in school, no one at home (mom and I aren’t talking, dads in India, younger sis is a fucking bitch), winter break, looking forward to fortnite, not being able to talk and play with my “friends” them asking why aren't you playing AND being a teen with hormones and needing someone, ANYONE to talk to.
I found an app, wakie, it’s a calling app in which u can voice chat with people that also run the app. Being as desperate as I was I get on it and talk for hours on end, mostly consisting of inappropriate talks over the phone but… that’s what I could get and I took it. I'm embarrassed about it but that the one thing that kept me going knowing there's someone on the other side listening, talking, caring. Even doe they may not have the best intentions.
Monday, mom listens in on me kissing a man overcall… FREAKS out and slaps me with my phone multiple times YAY! (don’t blame her for it but she left me no choice hence I don’t blame myself either) takes my phone away (most prob going through it right now) and yet here I am writing this I feel nothing except a little sting on my cheek. Somethings wrong with me but at this point, I don’t care I just want it to end.
Don’t worry won't be killing myself being alive is like 2 birds one stone I'm miserable and I'm making my mom(and others) miserable. Yay!
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