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but it is so hard. My cousin is getting engaged (her engagement party is this weekend) and I knew about union long before my extended family did. Now that it's finally happening, I feel like I've failed. She's a year younger than me, and I just broke up with a guy I met over the summer...
This guy and I went away to Hawaii together last week. It was amazing. Before we even planned this trip, we decided we'd end things once it's over because we had differing core values. I don't want to be with someone for the sake of not being single. I want to enjoy myself, my time, my family and my life...but not being in a relationship makes me feel I am far, far away from getting a husband, children and building a home.
I want to claim happiness, claim peace, claim ease of mind...but it isn't easy to internalize those feelings. I want to. I am doing just fine for someone my age, but cultural pressure gets to me, even if it isn't said out loud.
I just want to be happy. But I'm not. I am not depressed either, though I am bipolar. I don't like feeling sorry for myself, but seeing young women with whom I attended college getting married, traveling, enjoying life (on instragram) makes me feel inadequate. And even when I do activities that I find thrilling and fun, I don't broadcast them. Should I start? Should I post more pictures of me being happy? Will that help? I don't think it will make me happier, but it might make someone else envious...and that I don't want either.
Does anyone have advice?
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Put yourself out there. Go to the places you will find men you will like. If you have a particular interest or hobby, join a club or group that pertains to those interests or even beliefs.
Just need to know the right pond to fish in, and happiness will be yours!
Replydon't be bipolar. We all o through tough times. If he was not right for you, it is good you decided not to marry him before it was too late. It is better than divorcing.
ReplyI actually have bipolar disorder, lol. It isn't a choice.
ReplyYeah I was about to comment bipolar isn’t a choice! Just like having cancer or a cold isn’t! If it was LORDY I’d choose NOT to! ❤️
I know exactly how you’re feeling. I don’t like to post my life on social media either. The best advice I can think of though is, don’t look at it either. It doesn’t benefit you. Being bipolar myself, sometimes I tend to get wrapped in things I don’t want to for odd reasons. Social media isn’t anyone’s true self. Except the ones not putting personal stuff out there! You’re being true to you, keep doing that. You seem to have your life in more order than you think. Age is just a number. Idk how old you are but having a husband/kids/family has no age requirements. Even if you feel the stares, the family pushing. Remind anyone that it’s your life, things will happen when they are supposed to. Enjoy being in the moment you’re in. Enjoy being exactly where you are, where you’re supposed to be. The right man will come when you are ready for him. Enjoy yourself more. Enjoy your independence. Don’t push or force anything. And never compare yourself to anyone, or any social media. It will only make you feel worse. Only compare yourself to the person you were yesterday and be better than her every day. Reach for new goals instead of trying to shove yourself into society’s box of where they think you should.
ReplyThank you so much for your reply. It's just what I needed. God bless!
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