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I have a headache.
It’s painful and itchy, and it’s driving me mad. I want it go away, to leave and never return but it’s all I know now. Since that ten-year milestone of struggle, misery and survival.
What would I be if you weren’t there? If that constant reminder of what I can’t have, what I’m barely living with, how I’m surviving and what I want but never get- what if that reminder simply vanished? Poor, gone?
Well, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. What existence really was. ID BE EMPTY AND BARE AND EXPOSED- VULNERABLE AND NAÏVE TO REALITY SND ITS EXPECTATION. I’d be manipulated, used and abused- tortured by the unknown and unobtainable- moreso than i already am.
That reminder keeps me grounded. Makes me think, keeps me angry and sad and furious and moving. Keeps me moping, pitting, becoming engulfed and consumed by fear and poisonous mentality.
I have a headache.
It’s painful and itchy, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Because what would I be, if not writhing in agony?
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