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I want it. I want top surgery. I want to finally be released from my ticking time bomb. I just want to feel free. I want to wake up and run into the world and make it mine. I want to leave my weight on the ground and soar far far away. I want to wear every shirt I can grab. I want to stand up tall. I want run, jump, tumble, climb, fall, swim, and smile. I’m going insane from waiting for the answers to become clear. I’ve gone so insane that I WANT surgery. What kind of person thinks every day about wanting surgery unless that is something that they really truly feel??? I just want to be there already but I can’t skip to that part without everything else. But I don’t know who I am yet. I don’t want to be vulnerable, to be at the mercy of other people, to come out as being so sure of what I want when I don’t know yet? I just know I want a flat chest, I want a deeper voice, I want a masculine frame, I want my hair shorter, and I want different pronouns. I don’t know what those pronouns are though! I don’t want she/her and I don’t know if they/them is what I want because they/them doesn’t sound right. It sounds alienating, incomplete, and ingenuine. I am one person, one real, physical person! There are so many holes in being they/them. I’m getting so impatient and some of the best years of my life are going to waste. Please someone help me! I need first hand advice from someone that really knows what I’m talking about
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Gosh. All I can say is that you need to take a step back and breathe. Take a moment to be with yourself and look deep within your mind. Is this what you really want or is this what you really need? When you picture yourself in 5years time, what do you see? How are people greeting you? I think you should either go for simple walk or getaway so that you have no outside inputs to your decision. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you'll finally be happy with who you are inside and out. Hope this helps :)
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