What are you looking for?
I’m not over you, not yet (but I am trying)
6 months ago · · Relationships,
‘Hey buddy! Got a sec?’
That’s what I would have texted you right now. I would have told you I dreamt about you, if I had not decided to completely cut off our contact.
If you ask what my dream was like, I would say that just like most of my recent dreams about you.. you were here for a while, and then you were gone.
I know it has been a few months since we walked away from what we had, but I still miss you every single day. I feel like I have not been doing a good job at trying to forget you.
When I open this up to my friends, they would question me why I got involved with you in the first place or why I did not feel guilty in the beginning. I don’t know what to reply to them. I just really liked you back then and I still do. We were just ‘hanging out’ throughout the nights and thought we would be over each other easily. And I had always been the one saying our little mischiefs would be over in a few months.. until feelings got involved.
I don’t know if you remember but on the night you gave me the music box, you also told me to remember you. I laughed and said how I could ever forget you. Your face was shadowed with sadness and said you were very afraid you had hurt me and you started crying.
You may have hurt me but it’s okay baby because I got the chance to love you. And I know that you love me too. At first I thought you were pretending to care because you probably felt like you exploited someone that was younger than you. But I know, your feelings for me were true when your actions spoke louder than words.
This may sound a little needy but I constantly search validations from both online and from people that our decision to walk away was courageous. I need to know the pain I am going through is for a better cause, even if it means a happily ever after for you and her.
I’m not regretting the decision that we made. I’m glad we both had the courage to do so. I’m better off without taking part in an affair. I am proud that we are not keeping in touch right now. I promise you I will contact you again (as a friend) once my feelings for you fade away AND once you have moved on from your current relationship. You are too important of a person for me to lose you forever. What I know now is I might not be contacting you anytime soon. I need more time to get over you...