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My wife is poly, to the core. She loves people, deeply and that doesn't mean sex or flirting it means a really deep caring (though after years she has a couple now and they come over for dinner, bring kids, we all laugh and it's really fun). She visits them weekly for a sleepover, cuddy, sexy-time and a good spanking and I'm good with that (I have my people, also over for dinner but my connections are 'less deep').
So what has me writing is envy.. not jealousy. I want to be capable of being her everything but that's impossible, her people fill needs I cannot. For example her female lover (that same couple I mentioned before). But I want to be everything, give everything, fill all the corners until there are no needs. I also know it's a fools errand if not a path to relationship destruction.
So you tell me, how do you deal/reconcile envy that your partner has needs you cannot fill that others can?
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If they dont want only you sounds like you need someone else unless shes willing to change otherwise the envy will most likely not go away.
ReplyI agree with the above. Very few poly couples will last forever and be happy. Usually one person, like you, feels unloved.
ReplyI’m very much like your wife. I dated a married couple while living with my boyfriend. I asked him a second ago how he dealt with it...He said you just have to accept her and realize there’s nothing wrong with you or your relationship. Some people just have more love to give than others. I’m sorry you’re feeling inadequate but it’s not you. I wouldn’t listen to the above comments. Poly is a way of life and works for many people
ReplyThat may be ok for some, however I would never. I don't care nor others care about such things. So don't try to say the above isn't true. If it works for you then good for you but don't push it on others.
ReplyI’m not pushing anything. The comments above me said “very few poly couples will last forever and be happy.” But that’s actually true of all relationships not just ploy ones. Think about it, how many breaks ups did you go through before you found “the one”. Same things. There’s a humongous poly community. Just because you’re not apart of it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist or that “other don’t care about such things”. Obviously you’re very confused about how your beliefs and everyone else’s are the same. Not
ReplyI have been married 12 years. The relationship is strong and foundations deep, not a few kiddies that can't tell love from hormones. The question is perhaps beyond your experience, the accepting your loves needs beyong your ability to provide.
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