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To somewhere society isn't. Where Cars and Buildings and Violence and Unrest and People can't come. Some might call it Running away, but why do I need to stay somewhere that causes so much pain and distress? Why is it cowardly to leave that behind?
Since I first started understanding how big the world really is, I've been stuck in a spiral of misery and upset. So many Responsibilities piled on my shoulders just because I exist. So many people demanding my attention, held to standards I was never taught. I was so unsure of how to continue walking up the hill that seems to get ever steeper.
I felt like an onlooker stood by a window, watching the world crumble around them. There are so many things that happen and I'm powerless against them.
I want to Run to somewhere I'm not obligated to be. I want to Run somewhere I can just be me, and not have to worry about the next terrorist attack or economical crash or Political Failure. People call me a Coward for wanting out of this hungry society, built on draining you of any resource you can provide them.
I'm sorry, my thoughts are quite jumbled.
I've spent a long time trying to get by. I learnt to draw, and spent a few years trying that as a Job. All enjoyment is gone, its a chore to work on this skill I've spent years honing. Its a similar experience for anything I try. I play games and lose interest quickly. I go outside, exploring the urban landscape I call home, and feel the pressures of society force me back into my home quickly. Being on the virtualscape ends up similarly. In the end Im just left in my own mind, and its hard for me to calm myself from everything closing in.
Im not sure where I wanted this to go, I'm sorry.
The only peace I've felt is a trip I took one year to a homestead/farm. I stayed there for two weeks, and its the only time I've slept soundly. I was far enough from the world that it didn't feel like the pressures were able to get at me, I had minimal contact with social medias and online new sources. I was able to chose who to talk to, what I wanted to do, Where I wanted to go.
It was Freedom, and I crave it so badly.
Theres so much tape in moving away from the cities and governments. I crave this freedom, but the trap I'm in makes in almost impossible to escape. Someone owns the land you run to, so you buy it. You build a home and then the government decides you need to pay them to live there. You earn money to pay them, and they say they deserve a cut of your money because you EXIST.
I think I'll stop here, I feel like I'm just repeating a lot.
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No, no my friend. I agree with you. Sometimes we just need that off switch. Away from everything that hurts us, that blinds us, that squeezes us into a mould we don't want to be in, or a part of. I feel you. But even a vacation costs us. It makes me wonder what our civilisation has come to. I hope you find that freedom you look for, my friend.
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