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Hi!
I am an 18 year old normal college student and I can say that the people around me including my parents consider me as a jolly and happy-go-lucky person however it is just a mask that I always wear whenever they are around me. I am actually a sad, overthinking teenager. I hate my childhood. I have bad memories. It made me what I am now. An aunt of mine was the one who took care of me when I was growing up since my parents are working in a far place. I was left in her refuge and I hated it. She was the one who made me question my abilities, credibility and my whole existence as a human being. She took away my happiness, my chance to know what I really want to be, basically she took away my life. I experience a little bit of physical abuse but the worse is that I experience emotional abuse that has affected my perspective and views in life. every single day, I experience that type of abuse and it kills me over and over. It made me suffer. I was not able to tell my parents about it since I don't want them to worry.
Luckily, I was able to avoid any type of interaction with her. However, the memories still remain. The wounds she have caused haven't still healed yet. I am still trapped in a cage and my hands are still chained from those bad memories. And every time I have emotional breakdowns, anxiety attacks, I always feel vulnerable. I feel like there is no one to save me. There is no one who will understand the pain that I have been feeling and been going through. And the worst part is that, if I feel numb, I tend to hurt myself in order to feel pain. Why am I doing this to myself? WHY?
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I cant answer 'why?'. However, "I am an 18 year old normal college student and I can say that the people around me including my parents consider me as a jolly and happy-go-lucky person however it is just a mask that I always wear whenever they are around me. I am actually a sad, overthinking teenager. I hate my childhood. I have bad memories. It made me what I am now." seems as if I wrote my life.
I think telling those things to some other person can really be helpful coz it has helped me a lot. It will be embarrasing at first but once you tell them, u will start feeling better. Enjoy their perspectives and opinions too. If I could be of some help, do tell me.
ReplyI agree with the other persons comment. Talking to someone, opening up, really helped me. And yes, you’ll probably feel very vulnerable and exposed, but it’ll be worth it because then you will be able to share your burden with someone else and won’t have to carry it alone. You’ll see how many people think like you. There are more than you think. Sometimes we feel all alone, but there are more people out there who feel the same. Keep going. Don’t give up.
ReplyAnd we also come to about how those people deal with such situations, which at times helps us.
ReplyYou can talk to me privately if you want .
Reply