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Sometimes I wonder if I'm in NPC, like from a psychological standpoint not a political one. I get so anxious and worried about diverting from a path somebody else has set out for me, even though sometimes I don't feel the filled by it. Yet I don't seem to know what to do with my life besides that, if I knew I feel I could be making real efforts towards it.
I have hobbies, interests, etc. But the list of things I can't safely build my life around.
I'm hoping the medicine starts to work soon, no matter how I try to benefit myself I always feel like there's a negative backlash.
I thought the medicine was working, until the weight of realizing had to start another semester at college started to sink in. How many semesters do I have to go through for each class to stop feeling like my frist? Went will crushing fear of failure stop?
I wish it didn't take so much to make feel fulfilled. I feel broken, yet also like selfish person for not be happy. I'm not even stronger enough to end it all.
I wish that I was attracted to real people more easily then I could talk to some one about my problems the being stuck with my thought and hoping for strangers to save me.
I wish I was not self aware so I could be stupid and take risks. To get in trouble.
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