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Never once date a person in my life. I didn't even know if I was in love or just crushing. Unfortunately, exactly one year have past from the day I fell for someone. I can't say it was like a fairy tale, but to me it was special. It was during high school. My sophomore and his freshmen year. I knew and he knew we liked each other. But as time went by he just stopped. It kind felt like I was just stabbed in the heart. He ended up dating another girl that I knew. I didn't have any grudges towards him or the girl he's dating. I just wanted leverage of why he didn't like me anymore. I took a different turn though. I want him to see what he's missing, but soon later I didn't care anymore. Summer vacation was starting and it was pointless to keep trying. I took care of myself during break, but I also went through some hardships which caused me to go through depression. It wasn't as bad at the time. School started, he broke up with his girlfriend. We talked a few time. Heck even had a streak on snap chat. The only thing that was different I didn't have a lot of feeling for him. Of course, it grew little by little each time we had a conversation. That feeling didn't last to long...
He got a girlfriend again. I was also dealing with depression before our second meeting I guess you could all it. Then I realized over time, I was loved by so many people that I should let a guy make me feel so foolish or depressed. I soon started to think that I'm glad he got a girlfriend. Although that was one of my happiest moments in a long time; I still felt crappy. It didn't have to with him though.
As a few months went by it was January. I was starting make myself feel better. I've been through a lot, but it's getting better. I saw him again. I felt nothing towards him, it was normal. We were just friends now. I could talk to him as just friends nothing more. That was the thing, he's just playing hot and cold. Yesterday he flirted and teased with me. I didn't think much about it until my friend pointed it. Today we just ignored each other. Happy about that because now I knew it was a one time thing, but that didn't stop my heart from beating just a little. I contemplated since yesterday because in order for me to be happy I shouldn't be in any kind of relationship with him. Just friends. Like I feel beautiful on the outside, but one the inside I feel like I'm below trash. I need to make myself happy before spreading that happiness. Of course, if he's will to wait that's a different story, but there's no possible chance that's going to happen. Who knows maybe it's worth it or not...
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yeah, fuck that. there are way too many awesome people in this world to get hung up on some guy who consistently gives you the run around. it is not that you are unworthy or not desirable...it is just that (for whatever reason) this one is not a good fit for you. part of making yourself happy is cutting people out of your lives that make you unhappy. this does not mean being mean or telling him outright that youre done with him. I suggest just not returning his texts, being friendly when you see him in public but nothing more. treat yourself with the love and dignity you deserve, and one day you will attract someone who wishes to give you that love and dignity as well.
ReplyYup that's what I've decide. There's no point in giving that love to someone when you don't have love for yourself. Being friends is all I need right now from him, nothing more. I won't wait for him because I will graduate soon and college is a step away from now. I need to focus to get my mental health back on track so I can withstand the hardships that will come during college. If a guy wants me, he will be willing to wait a thousand years for me.
ReplyWe can’t love or get along with everyone, am I right?
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