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I’ve been sleeping with a man who is in a relationship. He has a baby with her. I’ve been seeing the same man for four and a half years. I know he wants to marry me and have kids. I do love him but if the other man left his life for me I would go. I love him and he doesn’t even know it.
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So you're in love with two people, the problem is they don't know about each other. This is an ethical issue not an emotional one (though that makes everything more complicated). So you can embrace your are polyamorous (at least at this moment) and tell them.. or lie/cheat to both and wonder later why they might not trust you.
Consider it from the men's viewpoint. One knows you 'cheat' (let call it non-ethical non-monogamy) and the other mistakenly assumes you are ethical and monogamous. The guy with the girlfriend is probably 'cheating' as well (with you at least), so are you ever REALLY going to trust him. The long term guy, he might take this kind of hard.. if you were him, would you trust you?
Your only real option is to come clean to everyone. Go ethical even if it's non-monogamous, then you are NOT cheating because everyone consented to the relationship. Sure it'll hurt, might lose them both but at least the 3 words you described yourself with no longer apply.
ReplyIf I was in your shoes.. I would be honest with myself. It sounds difficult but if he loves you and you love him back you two should be together in my opinion. I really don't know and I'm sorry for not being much of a help but I'm be rooting for you :) All the luck!
ReplyCome clean to everyone and let the women he has a baby with know about it too. I doubt she knows and he would tell her the truth. Think about what you really want.
ReplyI am in love with a married man also, and he loves me too. Love is complicated and its not your fault you feel the way you do, or i do, or he does, but our actions will press their daggers into the people around us - his wife, your boyfriend...kids...and so if he not going to leave, and youre not going to leave, put your daggers away. <3
ReplyIt would be selfish to keep it to yourself. If you do, then there is the possibility that you might infect them with an STD. Do the right thing
ReplyIf you want to go in the right direction you need to change things completely. I am sure you know that what you are doing is so wrong, so wrong, and you can leave people, children, mothers, scarred and devastated. I don’t mean to make you feel worse about yourself, but feeling guilty isn’t enough. You need to take action. First, you need to get out of your fantasies and end things with the married man. You say that you know he wants to marry you, but time and time again the same story unfolds and either he doesn’t marry you or he does but you’re marriage is ultimately miserable, because what makes you think he will be different to you and love you more than he loves his own blood child and his current wife, his child’s mother ? He seems to have mental issues, maybe some sort of emotional incapability and manipulation, and pursuing him is the worst idea although it probably sounds the nicest in your head. For the man your with... damn. If you are not going to break it off with the married guy and commit to him , respect him and yourself and break it off with him as well. For the sake of both of you. If you will cut everyone off and commit to him, do it and do it fully. Don’t tell him about what you’ve been doing because it will make it worse. Repent to God or whatever you want and focus on the relationship. Another way is just to let go of them all. Go on by yourself, and figure out who the hell you are and what you stand for before you think of relationships. Good luck. Your situation is hard, but people have gotten over it. You will hurt people, and hurt yourself. But it needs to end.
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