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How helpless,
How selfish,
How desperate am I?
The person I am supposed to know best,
Besides myself,
I’ve failed to protect.
In my own thoughts,
Expressing my fears instead of asking you about yours,
How selfish of me.
And desperate,
To help you,
In any way.
But I can’t,
I’m helpless,
I cannot relate to your heartache.
I do not know how it feels,
To have the world ripped apart,
To have the most important person in your life,
There- and then gone.
You miss him,
You always will.
Graduation and starting college,
Getting engaged and then married,
Having children and then grandchildren.
All these milestones he will have missed,
And every time,
You will think of him,
And your heart will ache.
And I can’t stop it,
This is one thing I cannot help you with,
The one thing that brings you the greatest sorrow.
From the bottom,
From the deepest part of my heart,
I wish I could.
Because I love you like nothing else in the world,
When we dance,
It’s as if nobody else in the world exists.
When I spread my fingers above your heart,
Feeling it beat beneath my hand,
I know I am home.
But you,
Your home was turned upside down,
Your home doesn’t feel like home anymore.
Your heart aches every day,
Every single thing that reminds you,
Of him.
Every second,
Every day and month,
That has gone by,
Has only lessened the pain of his passing by a fraction.
For your sake,
I wish so much that I could relate,
To know how to comfort you,
To know what to say.
But I don’t,
And I won’t for a while,
And I’ll keep trying.
I’ll make mistakes,
So many,
Again and again.
But I won’t ever give up,
Not on us,
Not on anything.
For you,
Always for you,
Everything I lay at my feet is for you.
And I just hope that it will be enough to last forever-
If we ever get a third chance.
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Sorry. I'm sorry:(
ReplyIt’s fine....
ReplyI know its not fine..
ReplyMaybe.
ReplyI love you:)
Dont be upset. I'm here
ReplyI love you too... I’m dying inside..
ReplyI know. I know. Just clam down:)
I'm so sorry
ReplyIt’s over... it’s really over...
ReplyBut you're not over it. So shut up!
Just be brave, S
ReplyI can't. How can I be when my world is gone?
ReplyTry to be brave. You're life isn't over!
ReplyI know,.. I know..
ReplyDont gimme an I don't know
ReplyI know**
ReplyOkay
ReplyCalm down:)
ReplyAlright
ReplyI think I can relate a little bit. everything that I am right now. all that i'm doing i'm doing for another. I just wish I was more of a help to her...
ReplyYeah... and it hurts like hell that we feel like we can’t? Is that what you mean? But I’m sure that you’ll figure it out and that everything will be okay for you in the end. Just be there for her.
ReplyHurts?...I feel like i'm dying. slowly and painfully, like i'm being torn apart...and i'm trying my hardest...
ReplyYeah.. yes, I know how that feels like.. but I’m here for you okay? You’re not alone in this..
ReplyThanks...I can tell I'm going to need a friend
ReplyI’m here :)❤️
Replythank you
ReplyOf course.
Replythank you
ReplyHe's watching from above ,and protecting her :)
ReplyYes.. I hope so..
ReplyHi. Me again. I'm sorry I haven't been around
ReplyHey there :) I’m glad that you found me again. How have you been? And no need to apologize.
ReplyI've been..struggling, but i'm trying. What about you?
ReplyAw, what’s wrong? What’s been going on?? I’m here for you❤️. And I’m okay, just been trying to figure a few things out.
ReplyI'm trying to be the best I can be for my special someone. I want to be able to help her and bring out the best in her. i'm trying my hardest. I just don't want to weigh her down. I want to help her. not hurt her.
ReplyIf you’re trying your hardest, then that’s really what matters. I’m sure that you’ll be able to help her. She’s lucky to have you, she really is. I wish you all the luck in the world.
Replythank you, and I hope so. I love her a lot...what about you tho? whats been going on?
ReplyOf course, I can tell. That’s so sweet. Let me know if you ever need anything okay?
And there’s this guy, I love him with my whole heart, but he lied to me and he left me... twice. But now he wants to come back and I’m having a hard time figuring out whether to allow him back into my life or not. I really want to, but I don’t want to get hurt again.
Replymay I ask how you were hurt? you don't have to tell if that's too personal
Replyi'd like to help that's why i'm asking, but I understand if it's personal
ReplyNo, it’s okay. He broke up with me twice. And then when he broke up with me the second time, he went right to this girl that I had worried about... and so that’s when he broke my heart the third time. And now he wants another chance, which he knows would be his last. And he apologized for everything. And damn I love him so much... but somehow it’s not as much as before. And I’m scared because right now we’re together again and I don’t want to use him or something until I can figure out whether my love for him will come back (like all of it and if it’ll be enough to be in a relationship with him or not).
ReplyI wouldn't. I would save yourself the heartache. you're better than that and you deserve someone who won't lie to you. Also, i'm sorry but. i'm planning on O'ding pretty soon. I'm pretty sure i'm going to. I have a day and a time, I know where i'm going to go. I even have the pills i'm going to take. I don't want to but I can't think of anything else to do.
ReplyNo, please. Don’t do it. I’m begging you not to. Please. Don’t leave me. You’re the only reason I come onto this website. I keep checking for you and only you. You’ve found a place in my heart now and I’ve never even met you. Please. Stay with me. Stay in this world. I know that it can be a cruel one, but please. Don’t do it. Talk to me. Anything else but that. Don’t hurt yourself. Please.
ReplyI can't be with her because i'm going to make it harder on her. she already has it bad, and I don't want her to suffer. I know why I have to go from her life. I do get it. I really do. But I can't, I can't take anyone else leaving me, or deciding I can't stay in their lives. If I could stay friends then maybe it would be different. Maybe. But I'm tired of feeling alone. i'm tired of being abandoned. I can't do it anymore. i'm taking my pills tomorrow. i'm sorry
ReplyI know how shitty and depressed you must feel. Trust me. I’ve been there too. I stood on the train platform, waiting to jump off. But I didn’t. I couldn’t in the end. Please, find something, anything to hold on to. Please. Don’t leave me here. You don’t want people to keep leaving you, but what about you leaving them now? How will they feel when you’re gone? You can’t reverse this. Maybe your future is full of light and happiness. But you won’t know unless you keep living and percerviering and going on. Please, don’t give up on life because of some shitty people. Don’t give up because you can’t be with her. It hurts. It hurts a lot. I know. I understand. But this isn’t the answer. Trust me. Please. Don’t go.
ReplyI’m checking up on you again. I hope that you’re still here. Give me a sign, anything if you are. I’ll be waiting for you. Every day. I’ll wait for you to come back.
ReplyMy god i'm so impatient. and anxious. I really hope you see my messages and that you're alright
ReplyStay. Please.
ReplyI hope that you’re still here. I’m here too, for you.
ReplyIf you ever come back... if you haven’t done it yet or it didn’t work, then I hope that you see this message. Live. Please.
ReplyI really hope that you’re still alive.
ReplyI’m still here for you. Waiting ..
ReplyI hope that you’re safe...
ReplyPlease come back.
ReplyI’m still here.
ReplyI hope that you’re still here despite everything.
ReplyI don’t know if you’re still here. Know that I’ll be waiting. I can’t check up on you so often anymore because I’m not doing well... but it doesn’t matter because I’ll always be here anyways if you come back. Know that.
Reply( Psst, try reply under the user comment instead of yours, perhaps they didn't get the notification )
ReplyThanks for the help :( I did that though... I’m just really scared that the person isn’t here anymore...
ReplyHi...I'm here..i was in a psych hospital for about a week
ReplyI just replied as a guest because I forgot to log back in. but it is me. I just got back from the hospital
ReplyNow i'm all worried about you....i'm so sorry. my phone was confiscated from me when I was checked in. I wasn't able to speak to anyone. I am here though. I really hope that you're okay. I'm here waiting for you.
ReplyI read all of your messages. i'm happy you kept checking on me, I'm sorry for all of the worry. Also for my impatience. I just hope I hear from you soon
ReplyI'm here. I'm still alive. I hope that you're doing well. I must have worried you so much...i'm so sorry...I hope that you're okay. I've never had anyone wait for me the way you have...i'll be here whenever you get back too. also...I was taken to a psych hospital before anything could happen...I'm back now tho. I hope that you're okay
ReplyHi, don’t be sorry about not being able to respond. I’m just happy that you’re here and back again, that’s all that matters. How are you feeling though? Hopefully better. I hope that you’re doing better than before. I’m selfishly glad that someone checked you into that place because otherwise you would have done it and you wouldn’t be here, talking to me. I’m sorry if that’s not what you wanted to hear. But yes, I’m okay. Just had a rough week.... so much happened. But it’s alright. Don’t worry about me. I want to know how you’re doing.
ReplyIt's fine. I'm just happy that you waited for me...that's really thoughtful of you. As for how i'm doing I've been giving everyone the same answer: I'm me. i'm still not sure whether that's good or bad, but it's the answer that I've got. i'm on antidepressants so it's whatever really in my opinion. what about you? what went on this week?
ReplyOf course I would wait for you. Why wouldn’t I? You helped me and even though we’ve never actually met, that means a lot to me. :)
As for how you’re doing, I understand. Or I understand as much as I can. I can’t say that I can relate because I’ve never been on the journey you’ve been on... but I understand some of it I hope. I’m pretty sure that you being you and feeling like you is the best. Because you’re a good person and I’m glad to have you back!!
As for what went on... I just got broken up with.. well, on Sunday. He and I were together for six months. It was a rough ride. He broke up with me two other times and each time i gave him another chance. If he changes his mind about this again (I don’t think he will because this time he said that he likes someone else or well that he can’t stop thinking about someone else)... I’m not going to take him back. I loved him with everything I had. Everything. I gave him everything and he messed it up again. This was his last chance and I’m sorry that it ended because i really thought that we had something. But it guess it just wasn’t meant to be or not our time or whatever. And i have to go to a birthday party (we have the same friends for the most part) on Saturday and he’s also invited and I don’t know how to act. We still text a bit and we decided to try and be friends.
Anyways, I’m really sorry for typing so much. I didn’t mean to burden you with my thoughts.
ReplyIt isn't a burden. it never will be. i'd love to hear what's on your mind. In my opinion. it would be best to let him be. from my perspective he's leading you on, even if he doesn't mean to. you deserve someone that will be there for you and make you happy, someone serious, who doesn't play games. I'm sorry it ended like that for you, I do hope that everything works out. If you ever need someone to talk to i'm always here
ReplyAww that’s really sweet. Thank you, but the same goes for you. I’ll always be willing to listen and help you. Okay? Know that and never forget. And yeah, it kind of sucked how it ended and everything, but I guess it was for the best. I hope we stay friends. We were almost like best friends before we started dating. Any advice on how to act on Saturday? Or what to wear? The second part of that question might sound really shallow and stupid, but I kind of want to wear something nice. Idk why.
Anything going on with you???
ReplyAlso, I don’t mean to sound creepy by saying and asking this, but I would like to know more about you because why not? And also, it would be cool if we’d meet one day :) idk why, I just think that it would be!
ReplyIt isn't creepy at all, tbh I've been thinking the same thing. I can re download snapchat if you have that, or kik so that we could talk more frequently if you'd like. also, my I don't even know what she is anymore wants to split because I weigh her down in some bizarre way evidently. I want her to forget me if she wants to split, so I wouldn't know how to act really, I would say to just be you and stay strong, even if he shows up with some one else try to keep whatever feelings you have hidden, it might be hard but you have to stay strong. also on what to wear, don't be too flashy, but make him see what he lost
ReplySee the thing is, that I’m like a grandma in a teenagers body lol. I don’t have Snapchat ahhh but I could get it. Hmm.. do you have Instagram? Or WhatsApp?
And I’m really sorry to hear that. How are you holding up? Ugh I don’t know how to help or what to say... I wish I did. But if she doesn’t see the goodness in you and you “weigh” her down... then she doesn’t deserve you and I know that’s probably not what you want to hear, but I think that it’s the truth.
And thank you for the advice.
ReplyI can get WhatsApp. I don't mind, and my medication keeps me confused about my emotions. it keeps me balanced. I can't get too happy or too sad. so apart of me really wants her, but then a part of me says that I don't care for her anymore. it's weird. anyway when I get WhatsApp what should I look for? so that I know it's you I mean
ReplyIf you don't mind, then that could work. I just don't want to send you my phone number in Novni. Can you give me your email address (if you have one) and I'll send it to you there? And when will you stop taking the medication? Or is it more of a long term thing? I hope it's not because I heard that it can get addicting. If it's not long term then I'd say wait it out, like until it's out of your system so that you can actually see what you still feel/ don't feel for her.
ReplyI have no idea on when I'm going to stop taking it. that's up to my doctor. and email: ddalton859@gmail.com
ReplyAhhh, I see. Okay, I'll send my number there right now :) let me know when you've got it.
ReplyI got it:)
Reply