A Memory I would like to forget...

Forgetting the car accident I was in with my little sister is something I would like to forget. I was behind the wheel. The accident was completely my fault. I was looking at my phone to change the song. My sister startled me when she said my name. I swerved, and then swerved again, causing my car, my car that I had almost paid off, to over-correct and roll. My sister's window busted open. She could have lost her head out the window. She could've gotten an arm crushed under the car outside the widow. Had we not been wearing seat belts I'm so sure we wouldn't have made it out alive. That is my baby sister. I put her life in danger. I could've killed my baby sister. No, she is not a baby, she is only a couple of years younger than I, but she is still the little baby that I fell in love with the first time I held her. The little girl who called me "Sissy". The little girl who has been my best friend since day one. The little girl who I used to tease and torment. The little girl that I used to say "if you don't do this for me we wont be friends anymore" to. She is the one person who I can truly tell anything and never feel judged. And I almost took her life away. I know, I should be celebrating that we're both still alive, we're both still breathing, but I feel so guilty. I feel so devastated that I no longer have a car. I can't afford a new one either, and neither can my parents. I love that sweet, sweet girl so much, and I almost killed her. I close my eyes and the accident plays over in my head. The pain is felt all over again. The terrifying moment when I had to scream my sister's name and shake her to wake her up, HAUNTS ME. I am so terrified. I almost can't even be in a car anymore. I don't know how I'll ever drive again. I'm so scared. I just want to forget. I want to forget so bad. She hit her head so hard that she doesn't remember the accident.. I wish I had hit my head so hard that I didn't have to remember the accident. Better yet, I wish the accident never happened.... I just want to forget...

(I previously posted this before I signed up for an account, so I am reposting from my brand-new account.)