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This has really messed me up and I'm being treated like I'm overreacting. Basically my mum died five going on six months ago. When she was on her deathbed he's sitting next to her saying to everyone in the room "I'm single... I'm single now" WHILE SHE WAS DYING. RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER. No one even said anything so I said "no, you're going to be a widow" and he sort of just looked at me funny. Later he was talking to people sitting on the other side of her about dating other women and bringing them home! My partner and I got so mad at him (knowing full well mum could hear everything) and so I said I wouldn't accept anyone else into my family. He said, "oh but I have your mums blessing". I should add thst while she was dying she had the death rattle and for a good 12 hours he kept saying to her "just let go".... I know she could hear because 30 minutes before she died she groaned a response to me. So after mum died, he refused to touch her. Not long after her funeral he went overseas for a month and when he came back (ten weeks after she died) he started dating. He told me four weeks ago and I started crying and left his house. I ended up telling him that he can do what he likes, I just don't want to know about it. Just yesterday hes told me this woman is moving in with him... I feel so sick. I haven't slept all night and I've been crying all night.
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That sounds awful for you. Your feelings are normal and you're not overreacting. I can't tell without additional context whether your dad is usually a jerk or whether his behavior while she was dying was a rather tasteless way of coping. I do know that healthy couples usually wish for their partner to find love and partnership again if they die first. I also know that when a death or divorce happens over a long period of time, often a lot of the grieving process happens before the end... so what may seem like a sudden moving on from the outside, actually isn't quite that. In any case, you deserve to have a dad who can empathize with and respect your own mourning process, wherever he is in his own, and I'm sorry it sounds like you're not receiving that right now. And, I'm sorry about your mum.
ReplyMy heart breaks for you over the loss of your mother. I can’t imagine how hurtful that must’ve been to have him saying and doing those things during such a devastating time. In the end you were there to give comfort to your mom when she needed it most. I hope you can find peace in the memories you have of her, and distance from anyone who disrespects or challenges that.
ReplySounds like your dad is a bit of a turd. You are right to be upset.
Especially saying that shit right in her presence as she was on her deathbed. Hearing is one of the last senses to go.
If it makes you feel better...your mom probably already knew what a turd your dad was. It probably wasn’t a suprise to her.
ReplyIt could be that this is his horrible way of responding too it to avoid any emotional pain. Unless they had a horrible marriage, he could perhaps be looking to fill the void that he knew would soon be coming in his life. Maybe he didnt want ur mom to see him sad and alone while dying. It sounds like he is having trouble accepting it and is desperately trying to avoid dealing with it. Im sorry about your mother this sounds traumatic.
ReplyYour father is a b a s t a r d.
Replymy mom died back in 2016 and my step dad had been cheating on her since she got into the hospital which caused a drift in our family. He claims she would understand but i truly doubt anyone would be okay with having their husband/ wife or partner sleeping around or in a relationship with someone else. I cried and cried but then i just got angry. Like hurting her without her knowing hurt me for her. Ever since i found out, i've been asking myself how long has he been out or been sexual with other women with her alive because it has been obvious it started a while before she died... so i understand how you feel. The pain and angry doesn't go away but it doesn't hurt as much. He is in the wrong for his doings. And no one should ever go through that. i am so sorry you had too.
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