What love means to me

Love. Honestly I can't say much? I've been in love before, yes, I don't know the exact meaning but love means so much to me.

We do something that we love because it makes us happy, for example; writing, drawing, singing, cooking, etc. I love to draw because it's my way to vent my emotions, emotions that I unfortunately can't really let out to anyone.

But, when we love someone it just gets so much more complicated.

I love my Mom and Dad because I have to- mandatory, right? Isn't it mandatory to love your parents? Because they "made" you?

I love my friends, platonic, of course, but I wouldn't die for them. Well, I would for some.

I love my phone because, well, it's the 21'st century people.

But romantic love for me is... this feeling, this- ache inside that can only grow and swell the more you're around this particular person. It drives you mad but at the very same time keeps you sane? Like they, literally make you loose sleep and daydream- so much you're falling behind in work and or studies. But sometimes it makes you want to strive to be better, for them, so that they can notice you and it's making you so confused as to what yo're doing is not enough.

But love in general to me is... having that ache, that swelling heart and actually loosing sleep- but you don't want them to loose sleep because of something, you want them to be happy and healthy and you just can't stop worrying. Wondering are they responsible enough to take care of themselves, if you should trust them, if you should've called when you saw they were on at Whatsapp last night, midnight.

At the very same time love is this terrifying thing that makes me shy away from people because I've felt the pain of being left by someone who you'd actually, really, die for. But I ache to feel it again because worrying about someone without receiving anything just feels so good, she makes me feel so worth it, I wonder if I made the wrong move.

Love is also quite disgusting if it makes you furious when they talk to someone else- you just want to yell; "GET AWAY FROM MY BOI!!"

It's so many things to me... I just hope that people around me know that if I'm willing to love you? Like, in general? I hope you know that you're one of the very few people that can really destroy me. Props to you My First Girl Crush, you nearly made me jump, thank whatever good entity out there that kept screaming don't in my head- if it weren't for you maybe I wouldn't be writing this.

But, maybe I should've just... jump.