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Dear John*,
It's been 324 days (but who's counting) and exactly a year since our first big fight that marked the beginning of the end. I've done a lot of therapy... something I should have never stopped going to.
I don't blame you for leaving me. I would have left me. You were dealing with an untreated bipolar 2 person, who refused to address both her body dysmorphia and her binge eating in healthy ways, and used her issues as an excuse. She was an adult child and you couldn't babysit her any longer. You did what you needed to do. You broke up with this womanchild.
I'm sorry for wasting your time. I'm sorry for deceiving you into thinking I was a good partner. I deceived myself into thinking I could be a good partner. I'm a damn wreck.
I'm sure you've moved on. You've seemed distant lately. And that's fine. We need to be professional since we work together. I need to, like you, not let emotion get in the way. I'm working on it. I won't lie, it's hard. I am doing better in this respect but it's still a struggle.
What we had was truly special and we both knew it. I sabotaged it and I wrecked it with my bad behavior and my irresponsibility.
I'm so sorry.
All I want right now is for you to be able to understand how sorry I am. I don't know how to express this without coming off pathetic and needy and making you uncomfortable. I hope we can have another chance in the future, but I don't expect it and I don't think I'm entitled to it. I now know that taking my mental health seriously is more important than trying to be in a relationship. I have to pick up the pieces of my own life without dragging you along. Until then, it wouldn't be fair to try and get back together with you, and I don't want you to be held back from finding someone better for you while you're waiting for me to finally become an adult. You deserve that more than I deserve you.
I'm truly sorry.
*name changed for anonymity.
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