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I had a really dark period in my life last year.
I worked as an escort, on a website called Seeking Arrangement, which would be unbelievable for all the people in my life.
Nobody knows about it.
I put it in the past. At least I'm trying to. I have a stable happy relationship now, but I'm constantly fearing a day when he will find out. (or somebody else!)
Even if I blocked all the numbers, I still get calls from some randomly, from other numbers.
In person, I met about 5 guys, before it dawned on me that I could not bare doing that.
However, I did the STUPIDEST thing of sending nudes. A lot. I think I was zoning out each time.
I'm constantly in fear that somehow it will be discovered.
Even if, let's say, I'd become good in my business in a few years and those people will recognize me.
I cannot breathe every time I think about it. (and yes, I know I deserve it)
Could you PLEASE help me with some opinions? Do you think these people will still have my photos/number/ memory of me after some time passes?
I am literally crying every day about this and I'm afraid it will end my life if it happens.
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Well... relax, you're not the only one who sent nude photos, I did to my ex and I felt that fear too. But you have to assume the facts... prepare your mind if that event ever occur, think (or think along with a therapist) how are you gonna react in that moment... got it? So if it happens, then you will need ready. Could be a hard moment, but with a pre-thought mentality you will face it better, and everything eventually pass and fades in time.
You know, if someone ever blackmail you with publishing pictures or telling your past, ignore. Because it's our past and not our present, nobody has the right to judge us. So let them do whatever they want: publicly publishing or anything, because the person who do that with someone past is more pitiful that the one that made the mistake. And if any friend or family judges you, then think if they really are your friends or family.
Lose the fear, accept the past, prepare your reaction if that ever happens, and then LET IT GO and keep living your present. Because that's the only thing that matters, for you and for the people that loves you for real.
Don't worry anymore!
ReplyThey should not get away with it!
ReplyI would never be an escort nor would anyone in my family.
There are lots of people putting camaras in hotel rooms and posting on sites that they would never go on. Some of these people will be caught soon!
ReplySomeone sent someone on purpose to get pictures hurt and ruin someone and they need to go to jail!
Pigs!
ReplyI would never send nudes. If anyone did that to someone I know they should have the shit beaten out of them! That is horrible to do to someone!
ReplyWe all have history. And no one can blame anyone if they did things to be regretted eventually. What important is, they are now just history. I know it's tough. I've been in that situation before (though not similar with yours) and what helped me overcome it is authenticity. In reality, all our dark secrets will eventually come out. It's inevitable. If you're afraid that someone you love will find out, tell that person. I know it's easier said than done, but if that person really loves you, he will accept you for who you are. Don't let fear prevent you from living a happy life.
ReplyI have never or would never do such a thing!
If you have then yes it is in the past and by no means should you let anyone hold that over your head!
ReplyDo you have tattoos? Do you have traits that stand out? I wouldn’t worry too much. What future business might you have that causes you to worry? Does it involve teaching or kids? If not, again, I wouldn’t worry. If anyone ever tried to blackmail you, you can sue for defamation of character.
As for your new relationship, try to enjoy it. Everyone has a past.
The part that sticks out is you say you can’t breathe and that you know you deserve it. Why? You seem to have guilt and shame attached to it. That combined with anxious fears of someone finding out...you could be creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Work on letting go of you guilt and shame. You tried something out, it wasn’t for you. You lived and learn. Not it’s time to move on...
ReplyI do have traits that stand out...and my face is showing (smart, right?)..
ReplyOne way to swing this: we now live in a crazy world where faceswapping via photoshop is so believable not just on photos but also video now, if anything ever did come out it could easily be overlooked/argued as false.
Reply