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Dear Hannah k.
I'm so sorry for the abuse I caused you I had plenty of excuses at the time but it doesn't matter. I now understand abuse is a choice and my emotional manipulation was abuse. I feel exterme guilt everyday every moment of my life. I sincerely wish you all the happiness in this world and am so sorry I lost the plot. I've started to volunteer and work with a program that helps educate abusers and I understand so much more now. I know that any further contact would show that what I'm saying isn't true and that I haven't learned, so I purposely try to avoid contact at University I stay away from Willis as much as possible I don't go to the social event for our major, oh yeah turns out I am an applied anthropology now because it makes it easier to get my masters which I've decided to go pursue, becuase I had all those extra humanities. Today was my birthday I spent it alone. I own a really lovely town home now on the square I decorated just like you would have liked it's very art hipster haha I know you hated that discriptor. I'm still battling the depression and PTSD working hard to not be a manchild.
I love my courses and am really understanding a lot of your passion for certain things we used to talk about. Now that I've taken some of the courses you've already taken. Everything reminds me of you. I wish I learned theses things earlier I acted how my parents acted and I now learned thier folly. I can't help but dream of the future we had planned and wonder if we'd ever had made it real. I live a half life from now on. I met and dated since you but it's only been half a year and even then I've met some amazing people but they aren't you. I understand you dislike me now I get it id dislike me as well especially if it made it easier for you to move on. I do wish you to move on Kerley. You where a good duck. I wish I handnt learned this lesson with you I wish I met you later when I was older. To tell you the truth I don't see myself finding love again. I don't want what we had with anyone else. That's not to say I'm not trying to be happy or enjoy my life, I just don't want that with anyone else I can accept no substitute and that's what it would be a cheap counterfeit. Im glad I'm not abusing you anymore truly you deserve better and I do deserve that shame .I am going to respect your wishes and not reach out or anything like that as it's not in your best interest and would mean I wasn't truly sorry for what I did so I guess this is it I'll let a message go floating in the ether of no resolution. I'll never be able to tell you I am sorry and you'll never see that I have grown and unfortunately learned the lesson that cost you us so dearly. I do still drink not in the same way I used to but definitely not in a healthy manner if we are being honest.
I miss you. Im so sorry. I still love you. I put my pride in front of everything and I'm so sorry that included you. Life is 20/20 in hindsight I never intended to hurt you.
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