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You plan your suicide on your side in a hospital bed
The word disappointment echoing around the square, dull room
Why did you do that?
Why get so worked up?
Why are you so dramatic?
Voices echo in the cavern of a skull
Disappointment
Disappointment
Disappointment
You shy away from comfort because
Love is always a fist
A force
What is love but not pain?
Right?
Bruises up your arm
Disappointment
Slaps across the face
Disappointment
A hand closing around your neck
Disappointment
You are worthless (?)
You are nothing (?)
You won’t ever find anyone who will love you like I do (?)
Right?
In your head
Question marks soften harsh statements
Are they true?
You can’t know
How could you know?
Think to yourself, I can buy a gun tomorrow
Then I will be free
There are buildings that touch the clouds I can leap off of.
Will you be free?
Disappointments don’t get to be free
Disappointments don’t get to be loved
You smother the voice inside your head that says maybe worth lies somewhere
Disappointment
The fear remains that you are worth something
Disappointment
The fear remains you will never find out what that means
Because who will you be if you’re not a disappointment?
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