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It's been ten months since we stopped being friends. So why do I still spend every waking moment thinking about you?
You see, I was going to call you today. I was going to even leave a voice message in case you declined my call. But here's the thing about that word was, it means that didn't happen. It means I changed my mind or decided it wasn't a good idea or didn't go through with something. So when I say I was going to be done with you, I was going to stop cutting myself, I was going to stop spending every moment thinking about you, I was going to stop wishing I could go back in time and either not meet you or continue our friendship, I was going to stop feeling so guilty, I was going to stop writing letters, when I say that, it means I intended to do that, but I... didn't.
A couple weeks ago, something inside me clicked and I stopped feeling so guilty about the way our friendship ended. I stopped caring so much. I stopped being so naïve and thinking things could turn out alright. I stopped worrying about you. Or at least, I did.
I even told you I was done with you. I told you that "we're not cool, we're not friends, and I don't plan on changing that." I shut down any hope of reconnection, in myself and in you. Yet today, for some reason, all those feelings, the guilt, the sadness, the anger, frustration, depression, relief, regret, sorrow, unhappiness, broken heartiness. It all came rushing back and so now I'm here, writing this instead of sleeping, and yet again spending every waking moment thinking about you.
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Its okay we all went threw failed friendrelations but did she really deserve what you did or said!?
ReplyHonestly, probably not. When I told her I was done with her, I said it in a really harsh way. I have since then called her and said that I’m sorry I was so harsh, and that I just don’t want to be hurt by her again
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