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I want to start by saying that I was diagnosed with depression a few years back. I am now starting to encounter problems in my relationship (of 3 years) because of that mental state. My boyfriend started to get exhausted of me being sad and negative a lot of the time. I get very sad from small things. And he has always tried to cheer me up, nothing has ever been a problem for him but I think it’s starting to. He always says Just try to be happier. Just actively think more positively. Just try it for me and you’ll see how your perspective changes. And while I try to do that... Every bit of feeling happy feels strange and unnatural to me. Uncomfortable. And you’ll say Well then you’re not truly happy. But I am. And in the moments I know I am happy I feel uncomfortable. It feels... draining. To be happy. I think I find pleasure in being sad. In crying. In being depressed and feeling that pain in my chest. In hearing the little voice that tells me I’m worthless. I find it exhausting to maintain a happy mood. I find it exhausting to lead a productive and healthy life and be there for my partner. I feel myself being toxic because of this behaviour but I just can’t seem to maintain a happy mood. In my mind being happy is like being in the tightest jeans while my life is laying in the bed trying to get comfortable. And being sad and crying is just removing the jeans. Just letting the pain flow. I don’t know what to do or if this is normal. But I just can’t seem to let go of the sadness. It feels like home. And it’s ruining my life.
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ReplyKinda feel the same way about being sad and negative. I don't know how I also find it comforting. But everything must come in a balance. You can't always be sad. It's all just in your mind. You're getting away something that yourself deserves. And you're not worthless at all you just haven't found your purpose you just haven't done something that you'd really like to do. Don't allow negativity gets into you. If you feel like being negative oppose it immediately if you can't seem to shake it off in your head. Know what are your strenghts and weaknesses, embrace and accept how you can't do everything know your limits. Accept the fact that you're no super human you're not perfect. Everyone might laugh at your mistakes but that's it, everyone makes mistake it's just no one just made the same mistake in the exact time you did it. Accept yourself for being imperfect. Give yourself the worth that it needs if others can't see it from you.. By recocnizing your worth others will start to recocgnize it. And once you realize how worthy you are don't get loose of it ,hold it tightly. Be happy no one else can make you happy but yourself alone, you see others might attempt to make you laugh but it's up to you if you see them funny. If your uncomfortable being happy all the time you can always make things alternate. If you're happy this day and you don't feel like being happy tomorrow then be sad cry all you want but don't be sad again on the next day. Slowly make yourself walk to the road of happiness. We cannot get rid of sadness as it plays a vital role but be sad whenever it needs you to be sad. Give yourself a break you deserve to be happy. Try to enjoy things and see the fun out of them.
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