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I think I have social anxiety. I struggle to talk to new people. I struggle to be my full self. I hide behind a carefree mask and at the time it feels like I’m being honest but I think I’m lying to myself too. Sometimes i feel numb, I miss it, there may be no happiness but there’s no sadness either. I want to be happy. I want to have peace and love and live everyday to the fullest. But I can’t I go to school I learn tons of useless information for tons of exams built to see whether we are good enough. I want to find out whether I’m gay or bi or straight. I want to have my first kiss. I want to go to comic con and have my first kiss in cosplay with a person i ship my character with. I want to go to a concert. i want to buy an apartment. I want to get a sheet of wood or fence that i can spray paint on. I want to play piano and violin and be better at guitar. I want to find a purpose. I kind of gone off on a tangent but I don’t care. So there you go everything I want that I can’t have because I hold myself back. Because school holds me back. Because family and friends hold me back. Because my age holds me back. Because the world isn’t built for kids it’s built for adults so I have to wait for when I get to experience it.
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I had SAD too, and I the only reason I grew out of it was because I pushed myself to do things I would normally not. Even if it's hard at first, it does pay off after a while. No one deserves to feel confined by a disorder they did not choose to be born with.
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