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I know very well how difficult it is to be around me. Sometimes it is all sunshine and rainbows and sometimes I am a ticking bomb. People who just meet me on social occasions and formalities think I am all fun and crazy. But people who stay around longer like good friends or flatmates know that sometimes it is like walking on eggshells. And since the time I have discovered these abnormalities in my behavior, I warn people who get closer that when in stress, I am a nightmare, might be the most hated person they know. They should know what they are signing for. I have tried working on myself, to be more likeable but under circumstances that are extreme for me, I break down and it doesn't help people around me. I don't talk, I am cold, don't respond to maybe basic questions, go into my cocoon without thinking about how the other person might feel. It looks rude. I apologize for this before and apologize after telling them that I try to control this but sometimes I cannot do anything. I don't consider myself the best friend one can have but I have been around these people when they needed me the most. In need, I have given them all the support I possibly could. So, not asking for a return favor or something but I assume when people know about my behavioral issues, when they know sometimes I am not myself, they are a little forgiving. I am not justifying my actions, I know I might be hurting. I would understand that people can be angry. What I don't understand is people taking revenge, trying to give me a taste of my own medicine. You don't tell everyone about your problems, just to people who matter. Is taking revenge a part of such close relationships? It is beyond my understanding. Is it wrong if I want people to be more understanding of me if I was with them?
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