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2 months ago · · Stress,
Hi. This is new to me. I always feel so bad about myself. Since I was a little girl , my father called me a good-for-nothing. I have a sister who is a perfect daughter. She is beautiful,brilliant,charming and always laughing. But we never had the sister relationship i saw in movies and all. We never chatted for shared thoughts . She never calls me . She loves me and sends me gifts and all but I don't want them. I just want to talk and laugh about things. The onoy topic we talk about is study and how I have to work harder. Like I said, she is a brilliant student . She got so many awards for the outstanding performance and her talents in debate that we lost count. My parents are also brilliant and got many gold medals. But I am the black sheep. Unlike my sister , I don't come first in my class or even in the top 3 . I tried so hard but the best result is that I came 3rd and once 2nd. But it doesn't count because they expected more from me . A lot more marks. Every time the day before the result day i cannot sleep. Some times I cry for hours. They don't know any of this. They already gave up the hope of anything big from me. They never take my opinion about anything even if I know about it. They love me i know that. They joke and laugh and go places with me because I like it even if they don't. They sacrifice so much for me. But I always let them down. I try so hard that I get sick most of the time . A few moths ago, the doctor diagnosed me with stress, anxiety and breakdown. Then they treated me like a I would breakdown any moment. I hated that. When I want to participate in anything , they discourage me so much that I just stopped participating in anything even what I liked or was good in. I wanted to become a famous designer but my father said that it out of my league even if I stopped sleeping, eating and other stuff and just studies 24/7. Sometimes I just become tired of all these comments. When I tried to talk to them about it , they just ignore this ' nonsense ' . I still remember trying to kill myself many times but I love them so much that I just can't bear the thought of them crying. Whenever my father scolded my sister for her really bad behaviour. I cried secretly more than she did. I scolded myself. Well her behavious is really bad and she should be punished more than what is done but she is my sister. I don't care how bad she is, she is mine. Maybe I expected the same thing from her . She never did anything like that for me. Instead of calming my short-tempered father , she just scolded me separately and stopped talking to me. After some years I just became numb to it. I mow don't call her because it just results in being scolded both from mother and father. I just lock myself in my room all day and just try to act really hapoy when I am out. They only time I failed in doing that is at school on my birthday. I only told my best friends about it and guess what ! They already figured it out. They knew but hided it from me. Even my
one best friend's mother noticed it and talked to her about me. She told me that day. I don't know why I am writing all this but I guess I will just end here for today.