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IF YOU'RE CHILL ENOUGH, READ:
Why am I sad?
I haven't find someone I like, by that I mean that I haven't find anyone that I'll want to stay with for years, everyone I've met is so boring, and not interesting, I got tired of my family, I'm sorry about that, I know they will be there for a long time, but I don't find anything interesting on them, I'm going to the point, finding somebody that I can have fun and that I will like.
ps: I love my family, but I won't really need them in the future. It's sad, but in the deep part of my heart I know it's true.
Don't tell me it is not possible, but I know it's hard, so hard. But there is a strong hope that I will find that person.
Well, I met something I like, but it's not real now, it's not a real person, it's not in this world. But it's interesting and cool enough to make me love it.
I don't want to solve my problem by falling into the idea that I have to accept the people around me, it's not a law, if I don't like the people around me as long as I don't hurt them it's ok. It's not my obligation to accept them, but I never told them that, because being polite is one of my pilars as a human. I have friends but they don't make me laugh, or make me love them more. My friendship with them is fragile.
Why am I lonely?
I have nice friends, but they usually ignore me, after you read my reason to be sad you'll say "well, they ignore you because you don't really like them..." I like them, but as I said, they're not interesting enough.
I'm not a queen to say who is interesting or not. What I mean is that they are not of my interest. I repeat, my interest.
They'll be interesting for someone else on earth but not for me. I'm not sorry honestly, but after a long time I realised that your words may hurt others, I don't really care about hurting anyone now, the problem will be making them happy again. I hate being in trouble, maybe that is a reason why I feel lonely too, I don't risk myself enough to get attention. Now, you may think that looking for attention is ridiculous, but is a need when you're a social being, I really don't like talking because I'm very shy, and I'm not very social, but once I find someone I like, I stay with them for a really long time. I'll be like a penguin to them, I'm very very loyal.
But everything has an end. I stop liking them, not suddenly, gradually, sometimes because the way they treat me and some other because they changed.
I know there is someone that can change my life and that I can make theirs happier, I like seeing people happy, I want to make people happy, with my talents and with my knowledge. Or simply taking them to places that can be remembered.
I feel lonely, and I don't feel enough interest in people now. It's the truth, I'm not ashamed of it, but I hope to find people I like. And be liking people again.
Why am I in rage?
The two past years have been very hard for me. (2017-2018) People has betrayed me, my family told me things that I never wanted to hear, they hurted me, they made me feel guilty, they didn't help at all.
Metaphorically I have a big scar in my soul.
I can't trust anyone since then, I've fallen too easily and I won't do that again. I don't want to be in that pain anymore. That made me agressive and revengeful. I'm not usually like this because as I said, I like being polite (even if it sounds funny) I like to see people happy and feel respected. Because I never felt like that, or since a long time. I don't wait to people to respect me or make me happy, it's enough to see their faces full of peace and joy for me to feel happy.
I am in rage because of the things people has done with me, now this sounds like the deviant art kid that does edgy art of sonic. The difference is that I don't have that "dark" side that makes me kill people. I am angry because I am scared of people, that's all.
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This was so hard to write without saying sorry or apologizing for my words, I know the truth is harsh, but also makes you stronger.
It may be confusing, if you don't understand something about what I wrote comment and I'll check later (maybe once a week)
Thank you for reading.
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Hi, I am the author of this text, If you want to know when I am writing to you I'll use the name "coco"
Tanks.
Reply*Thanks
-coco
ReplyWell, there's a lot to unpack here. But, loneliness and rage etc... I think we all feel this way sometimes. I feel lonely a lot, but that's okay. But, one thing I want to tell you, don't be polite just because. It's not your responsibility to make everyone around you happy or to please them. Just be you. Allow people to know and enjoy being around you. Because you can't please everyone all of the time. Just my opinion.
ReplyHi, thank you for the advice.
I forgot to mention, I am resopectful with the people that I consider that deserve it.
I learned about not making everyone pleased when I was doing it, it made me go in a very stressful situation, and I just, stopped.
I like happy people but I also know I can't help everyone.
-coco
Reply