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I'm a university student majored in engineering. My GPA is above 3.6 and active in many organizations. I'm also working as a course assistant and a tutor for some courses in the university. Outside the class, I'm actively participate in one of the student activity units and represent our major, faculty, and university in many sports championships. Many people envy my intelligence because I can understands what the lecturer teaches quickly. I don't have to stay up all night to study before exams. Between my friends, I like to make jokes and make them laugh.
I feel that my life is quite good though, but the only thing that is not good enough is my family's financial conditions. My father is not working right now, and my mother accepts orders to make some clothes. I'm still at the university and need to pay tuition fee every semester and for my needs. Although my brother is working at a company in other city, we don't want to bother him to pay for my tuition fees because he must wants to save his salary for his future. If my parents really don't have money to pay for my needs, they will ask him to lend some. He will lend the money but he also usually says harsh things to them because he thinks that my parents can't fulfill my needs.
Seeing this happens several times is really making me very sad. I feel that I am a burden to my parents because I still need much money for my needs and tuition fees. It is also because of me that my parents can't live a better life due to the money they spend for me every month. This makes me feel depressed sometimes, especially when I need to pay in large amount of money for something and my parents can't afford it. I apply for scholarship to reduce my tuition fee for this semester and next semester, but the university only give the scholarship for the half of it. My parents really thankful for that but I think it's still not enough to make them happy. I still feel guilty because all of the profits my mother got from her work are all spent for pay my tuition fee. Right now I'm using the salary for being an laboratory assistant to fulfill my daily needs every month. I envy my friends that can use the salary to buy things that they want. I thought I could use it to buy things I like but the reality is I'm spending it to stay alive everyday.
Although sometimes I feel very depressed, like right now, I don't tell anyone about this and act like normal in front of my friends. Even my parents maybe don't know about this because I don't want to make them feel sad too. I don't want to talk to my friends about my condition because this is a sensitive family issue. I just cry silently in my room whenever this happens. Sometimes I even think that I shouldn't have existed in this world at all. My parents maybe would live happily because my brother already has job and they don't have to fulfill my needs such as tuition fee, etc. I had a thought to end my life but then I think it would be a waste of money for my parents to raise me until now. So I want to stay strong through this condition but it really feel hurts to see may parents are working really hard for me. All I can do is doing my best at university right now. Aside of that, I really feel helpless to help my parents.
I think I would need advice or opinion from other people because this situation is making me depressed quite often. Also I can't tell other people openly to get advice about this issue, so I write here anonymously. I thank everyone who sees this post and don't mind giving me some words.
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You're such a precious person β€ some people hate their parents for not affording them what they want but you're such a beautiful soul you think about them more than you think about yourself don't worry my friend everything is temporal nothing lasts forever one day you'll finish college and get a job and make your parents proud ( I think they're proud of you now too) and have a better financial situation, you deserve the best keep fighting my friend remember the smile on your parents when you feel like giving up by the way I've the same situation my father has Parkinson disease and still working, my bro is jobeless mom sold everything she has for me and now I'm facing difficulties in my studies at college and my grades are catastrophic sometimes I feel like giving up but then I remember the smile on my parents's faces I keep on going I know its hard and sometimes you feel useless but trust me its worth the wait... I wish you all the best and trust me you CAN DO IT may god bless you β€
Replyheyπ
I read the whole thing.
And all i wanna say is that u r such a beautiful soulπ Dont ever feel low at ur self worth.
And parents are like this, they will do anything for their kids without any complains(and it is utterly precious of u to think the same for them too)
Just have faith and a little patience. It will be all beautiful soon. Everything will be amazing. ily. k bye π
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