Paranoid or not?

I have become suddenly more paranoid than I ever been in my life within the past 3 years. For some reason people have acted really odd with me than I ever was use to. I am aware that there can be many reasons as to why people act the way they do. I began to notice more and more with how it just didn't add up having one negative coincidence and odd experience after another.

It was progressively accumulating over a long period of time. I was starting to wonder about what was really going on around me. I had this strong sense that something does not feel right at all. Mind you, I have never experienced such paranoia in my life and being abnormally hypersensitive with my surroundings before. I had thought my device was hacked because bank numbers, email passwords would change without me changing them. I had seen people oddly follow, watch me in their cars and on foot in public no matter where I went. Things began to get a lot worst and overwhelming over time. It was making me paranoid. I thought people were coming into the house, putting cameras in and spying on me in my home. Felt that I might be dealing with a stalker, people with some grudge and more but it didn't make sense as to why. I have had people harass me passive aggressively online. I even thought maybe rumors, lies and assumptions were going around about me. There was so many incidences that were just not normal. I was given every possibility that my life was no longer private anymore and people with sick, twisted and malicious intentions were after me at this point.

I cannot prove what others have done in person to get help and nothing to go on but based on what I see. I do NOT feel safe and comfortable anymore where I live and it is all making me crazy.

I do not know if I'm mentally ill or if others are after me and "attacking" me without my full acknowledgement.

If people knew something they seem afraid to say something to me. Instead, I feel like others are just pretending, hiding the truth and pretending in my face.

I wanted to kill myself because of everything that was being done to me within the past 2 years. I do not deserve any of this and I don't see how any of it is justified. I did nothing wrong and people were doing everything possible to harm me. I don't know what's going on anymore and I'm having many doubts about myself. I can't function normally anymore and focus on what's important in my life. I don't even know what I did wrong, to have people go so far in deliberately sabotaging and ruining my life more. I barely go out because I'm worried that something else will come up. Nowa days I try to go out quickly as possible and even when I have no choice to be out, I feel this constant uneasy feeling and I just want to get out. I don't even trust anyone fully without questioning them, friends, family and especially strangers.

I never get any peace of mind from all this. I never got answers which I deserved to know but I hate that I got no justice from this and people continue to cause harm towards me or I don't even know what the hell this is. I feel like I'm in a movie with sadistic cult people going after me.

I'm unstable that I don't believe there's a way out of whatever is going on with me or around me.

I either have intense thoughts of wanting to be dead or running as far away as I can. I just want it to all stop because I don't know what to do anymore. I have had trauma in my life before which had cause issues in me that was already there but recent events have made me worst. I am scared of going to check with a professional for help. I am worried it won't be private and it will be used against me and I believe it is because of what others have done to me within the past 2 years. I don't know anymore what's wrong with me and what's going on around me.

I could not believe this has been all in my head and I'm misinterpreting it all. It bothers me so much still and I just can't get over it. Majority of the time I get a sense that people are withholding info from me.

I don't want to deal with this anymore than I have. This is unfair for me to suffer this way and have life be this hard.

It's killing me and Its making me have suicidal thoughts.

I want it to stop and everything leave me be.

:'(

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