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I love the thought of loving you and nurturing to your every need. I wanted to give you what you need, what you want and see you smile.
But then I thought, "I've lived my life giving and not all have been appreaciative about it. It's only as seldom as a blue moon's appearance that someone bothers to give me what I need, what I longed to have. So why should I do that to you? When I'm not even sure you'd do the same."
Then I switch back and thinks about how I would love to shower you with nice things. With compliments and the truth that I see about you. I want to tell you everyday that you're my angel and you're no demon.
But I remember all those times people threw words as sharp as knives, as heavy as stones at me. When I received nothing but hate. When all I see in the mirror is a monster and when no one convinces me I'm otherwise but instead they say that what I see is true. So why should I be nice to you?
However, I can't stop wanting to hold your hand, hug you and make you feel loved. Make you feel like you're on top of the world. Make you see an ally in me, a friend. Someone you can trust.
But everytime I reach out for someone else they flick their hands at me and send me away. They push me down to the ground and don't pull me back up. I only see an enemy and someone I can't trust. So why should I trust you?
I can't seem to make my mind.
One minute I hate you and regret ever meeting you because of the things I have to tolerate. I see all your flaws and gets frustrated on if I should just understand you but then I think to myself, did you ever bother to understand me? You don't even understand me so why should I? I've done nothing my whole life but understand people and sympathize with them why can't I be understood too
and then I would realize that I don't want to lose you. You're the best I could ever have. You're the only one I could see putting up with me and actually loving me. So I sigh and say, "Maybe I just like you more than I hate you."
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