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Well, I'm back to Novni! Things have been better than ever for the most part, but at the same time I'm in so much pain. My gender dysphoria has gotten worse, I feel so so so uncomfortable in my body, I have to constantly wear a jacket and that still isn't enough. Binding isn't effective, it doesn't make me flat, and it is utterly unsustainable as well as physically damaging. After multiple years I still can't figure out who I am, which I know there is nothing wrong with, but I know I'm not who I am which is incredibly difficult and I'm so physically uncomfortable, that it's unhealthy. All of this would be so much more bearable if I could just get Top Surgery, but I can't get that without figuring out who I am, coming out as that, getting the financial support and approval of parents, and then booking and waiting for it. I just don't know what else to try, I'm so close to being who I am but I can't figure out how I identify or what I want to be called. This has taken up so much of my life and I'm afraid of how much more of the best years of my life it's going to take up
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Take it step by step. Dont worry about the bigger things yet. You have a heap of time to choose your name and all the rest. When you know you'll know. Wishing you all the best.
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