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2018 was a rough year, so i was determined to start 2019 off right. And I did. I found a temporary job and started seeing someone for the first time in my life. I met with my friends regularly. I stopped being so self conscious. I began to love and appreciate my body. I even took nudes, something I'd never done before because of my image issues. I felt happy.
But naturally it had to come to an end. The guy stopped talking to me from one day to the next, standing my up on a date HE had planned. He's still alive, he just never replied to my messages. I still wonder what I did wrong.
In the same week a close family friend had a heart attack and fell into a coma. She's still in the hospital in critical condition. My parents are in shambles and trying to support her family. Which is why I can't bother them with my problems, which seem trivial in comparison.
Remember that job? It became a nightmare. I worked very long hours, sometimes 11 or 12 hours straight, plus a five hour commute. I barely slept and broke down in tears on the train home more than once. I was very stressed and lost a lot of weight.
And I was harrassed by my boss. She touched me innapropriately more than once. The thing is she is very well known in her field, and I knew nobody would believe me if I made it public. All of my effort would have been for nothing, and I wouldn't even be able to name her on my CV. On top of that she's my father's friend. So I kept everything to myself.
When my internship finally ended I felt immense relief. On that day I told my very best friend all the things I'd been through. He's been a huge help.
Yesterday he told me he caught AIDS. I want to be strong for him and support him and help in any way I can. I really do. I just don't know if I can be strong anymore. I just feel like I'm running on autopilot, and I've lost the ability to break down. I feel so so empty.
Is it too selfish to ask if the people I love can catch a break?
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No, I feel like you have a lot going on in your life. So it's totally not selfish if you want a break. That much stuff going on in your life can be so overwhelming. I hope your best friend gets better though and your family friend also heals.
ReplyThank you for your kindness and taking the time to read all that, it really means a lot. I hope they get better too
ReplyGood reason to have protection aka "condom" as well as to have the person you are interested in give you proof they have been tested and cleared! Play safe!
ReplyThank you for your advice, I will keep it in mind
Reply