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A goal is an objective. An ambition is the desire to reach that goal. I have a lot of ambitions, but I never set goals. I never have enough drive or focus to accomplish anything.
What do I want?
The answer is always changing. Almost every week there is something new. I want stability, I want a decent income and a stable home, a family, and good friends. But I can't achieve that if I never stick to a plan to attain any of that.
What holds me back?
Lack of focus, occasional dives into depression, loss of interest if I get distracted by something else. I never get more than skin-deep into a new idea. I never commit.
Right now I want to be a cop, but fixing up my resume and competitiveness is going to require several years of patient and disciplined work. I'm going to have to want it enough to stay focused. And at the end of it all, I'll have to get hired by a police service willing to hire someone older with a patchy history like mine. That's a stretch.
Where do I start?
Getting tested for adult ADHD, and seeking treatment for it is a must at this point. At least then I'd have written documentation explaining my past, as well as showing that I've been treated for it, whether that helps my application or not. I can't afford testing though, so I'll have to find work first.
Find work, save up the ~$2000 for testing. Keep working to pay for any CBT or medication. Then start volunteering in the homeless/addictions sectors, join a kickboxing or martial arts club, and maintain a regular fitness routine. Hopefully those last things will be easier after I get help. Right now I just need to focus on getting a job and going to an ADHD clinic.
I need to remember to keep my sudden ambitions and impulse ideas at bay. Focus on a job and treatment. That's it. Nothing else matters right now, and adding new ideas to the mix will make things worse. No more spontaneous purchases, no more ideas of grandeur, no more decision changes. I've made my decision. I'll work towards applying as a police officer and while I'm doing that, in case that doesn't work I can always use the same self-development plan to go into security.
Work.
Treatment.
Nothing else.
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I believe in you. I believe in your goals. I believe in your dreams. I believe you are going to come out on top. Keep it up!
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