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Hi, so I was basically a college student who fell in love with a wonderful girl she was my classmate during that semester. At first I really doesnt care about her at all because im not into relationships nor making friends at that time, but this one friend of mine who she also knew told me that someone has a crush on me I didnt even care that time if someone really has a crush on me. One day she add me as a friend on a social media site and start making a conversation, she said hi then ask about something then I replied and then the conversation go through. Suddenly one day i realized that i started noticing her even from a far as if like she was the only one i can see my eyes were focus on her. My mind just realized that: hey i think i like that girl and actually want to try and talk to her to make a move. So we started talking in chat until it goes on and on and on, then one day i confess to her that I like her and she was the first and only one who got my attention in that university, then suddenly she said you know im also into you dont you? I just realize that she was the girl that my friend started talking me about.
months had passed and we still continuously talking to each other. I love her but why do i feel unloved? one day i got drunk real bad and started talking to her how i feel about being unloved by her and it causes a big mistake for we thought that this thing wasnt going anywhere. she decided to leave me tho i admit it was my fault that i misunderstood her. 3 months have past she got drunk and sent me a drunk message that she miss me and kinda hoping if we could try it again. We talk in person and decided to try again our thing. the same thing happened, it didnt work. she told me that she thought it would be sweeter for us two but all she got was a boy whos afraid to show love and affection to her. I dont know why am i so scared to show her everything i mean i know i can to better but i cant show it to her. I ask for third chance but i she said no because its already painful for her that im telling her that i love her but cant show it. it really breaks my heart when after that night i try to talk to her but she just try and avoid me as much as she could. on the first semester before meeting her i have my goals aiming to be one of the deans lister, but look at me right now im just a sad fucking degenerate with failing grades. I wish i could do better but i cant and i dont know why. When im with her i feel i could do anything my grades was good my life was good everything was , but now after she decided to leave me twice i just feel useless and numb. I dont really want to continue life anymore without her. Its also sad seeing myself turning into this i really hate this feeling i wish i could bring back time and do the right thing ive never done.
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