Okay, let's get real

Here I am. Sort of. Here are some words I typed for you. I believe in my words.

I slept in my car so much. In dark parking lots. I think of that time fondly. I liked myself. Sort of. I liked waking when the sun was coming up. I love early morning. Nothing matters in the morning.

Mayor Catherine Pugh's voice is ASMR. Pugh was paid $500,000 by the University of Maryland Medical System for 100,000 of her self-published books to distribute to schoolchildren.

I want to feel right. Writing might help? Is it helping? What really helps is being alone sometimes.

God, let me be alone and bored for 3 hours a day.

God, let me eat beans, roasted garlic, greens, and beans every day.

God, let sunlight touch my fat stomach and man boobs every day.

God, let me think of things to do and hobbies to invest in.

God, let me believe in music. Let me forget language and lose my mind in music.

God, let me learn to read again. Let me read novels. Let me learn to read and stop watching Netflix and Youtube for just one second.

God, let no one read this, but let the words fill me and enter me till I'm fixed.

God, drench my brain in the right chemicals.

America I’ve given you all and now I’m nothing.

America two dollars and twentyseven cents January 17, 1956.

I can’t stand my own mind.

America when will we end the human war?

Go fuck yourself with your atom bomb.

I don’t feel good don’t bother me.

I won’t write my poem till I’m in my right mind.

America when will you be angelic?

When will you take off your clothes?

When will you look at yourself through the grave?

When will you be worthy of your million Trotskyites?

America why are your libraries full of tears?

America when will you send your eggs to India?

I’m sick of your insane demands.

When can I go into the supermarket and buy what I need with my good looks?

America after all it is you and I who are perfect not the next world.

Asia is rising against me.

I haven’t got a chinaman’s chance.

America this is quite serious.

I’m nearsighted and psychopathic anyway.

America I’m putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.