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I’m only 15, but I know I want children. I want to prove to my parents and to me that I can be worthy. That hitting your kid isn’t teaching, it’s abuse. I want to love my children with all my heart, and i want them to be able to talk to me. I dont want them to feel trapped or alone. I don’t want them to be scared of coming home. I want them to be happy. I want them to love themselves, not wonder what Is so wrong with them that they’re not loved. I want them to have a good life.
But what if my parents ruined me? What if I’m like them? What if I’m angry and irritable and violent? What if the poison in my parents is passed to me?
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I worried about this every day i knew i was pregnant with my first. What i learned very early on ( after nights where all i heard were baby cries, through toddler fits and meltdowns) is that you have a choice on how to react. Educate yourself thoroughly. Immerse yourself in parenting books, blogs, philosophies. Anything parenting related, read it. Not only will this help you heal from your parent’s mistakes, it will help you cope with all the curve balls being a parent will throw at you. Being prepared for difficult situations is key when being a parent who came from a toxic home. The last thing you want to do is rely on what you knew. Be prepared to apologize to your child when you’ve reacted the wrong way. And have a support system. You will need it. When you feel overwhelmed with the wrong emotions, please call on someone to take over, even if its for a few minutes. Remember, it takes a village. And sometimes all it takes is a few minutes to get back to logical thinking and sound judgement.
Replythank you so much, this really helped
ReplyI'm also 15. I think about having kids a lot too but I don't wanna have them because what if I accidentally raise them wrong like how I was raised. It took me so long to learn how to be myself and love myself. I think you will be a great parent because you believe in yourself and that is a pretty strong weapon. Also hi, my name is Mya.
Replyoh gosh omg this was soooo sweet!! thank you so much! and hey!!
Replyfirst of all let me tell you that they didn't ruin you.
I know that its hard, I know it from experience. Im going to tell you first my story. My first memory was of my father drunk, with his mistress, at our house beating my mom and me. After that I don't remember much. the next memory I have is that of me and my mom in a new country, applying to a new school, were I Was bullied for about 8 years. During that time my stepfather used to beat me, once he broke 2 of my ribs and I had to soldier tru that.
Im telling you this because I used to feel the same way. I didn't feel at home in my house or at school. I was afraid to go to both. but Im going to tell you something. today im a doctor with a Wonderfull family, the past is the past and sometimes its hard to let go, but you have to.
Trust me those feelings are going to pass, and in 3 years you will be able to be on your own.
just know that you are your own person and when you grow up, you will have a family, and when you have children im sure that you will be a great father.
You will not be as your parents because u experienced what that means, and trust me you will be different.
ReplyYour life is yours, and it's an amazing thing for itself that you know what's wrong and you want to do it differently, you'll surely be a really great mom!
Reply