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If anyone knows anything about guns it would help me out quite a bit actually.
The thing is I have PTSD for tons of reasons, and having suppressed memories isn't knew to me.
There was this "dream" I had when I was younger but I'm actually wondering if it was actually a dream.
I'm just trying to piece things together in this stage of my life.
My neighborhood used to be a little unsafe, we got broken into once or twice but that was before I was born.
I used to play on my back porch when it was cleaner, and like I said I had this "dream" when I was younger and it was about being held at gun point as a child.
The details are fuzzy but there were definitely details, when I was younger I had no idea what a gun looked like and in the dream (that may not have been a dream) it was held directly on my head and the young man told me to not move or say anything or something unintelligable like that.
Like I said the details are just a bit fuzzy.
But I know the gun felt warm or hot sorta against my head like he may have fired it before coming to my house maybe. And the gun was smoking, not excessively like they do in the cowboy movies but just a little and I noticed that.
I had no idea when I was younger that guns actually did that, so that's confusing too.
And I don't know the whole thing felt weird because I'm a child, if I don't know how a gun feels or looks like then how could I dream about it?
Maybe I saw one in a cartoon? I don't know but, it shouldn't have been this detailed.
And I was really really young, and I was very afraid even though I didn't know exactly how guns functioned.
It just felt dangerous, like when you hear a curse word for the first time and you don't exactly know what it means but you know it's not good because of the way someone says it.
I think it was just the presence of the man, his scary vibe, the way he aggressively pressed it on my temple.
I think I was silent the whole time, not truly understanding or trying to process it.
Well the gun was silver I think, not a revolver it looked like a glock. But I don't really know too much about guns, so I don't know.
It was sunny outside I remember that.
I know it's silly, I'm just making a map of my life trying to see what was and wasn't real.
I don't even know who to ask about it without coming off as crazy.
It's always so hard with this stuff, it never gets easier asking people about your own life.
The questions feel weird, and you don't want to be right about any of it and you feel stupid if you're wrong.
I don't want to explore the possibility actually, it's giving me bad vibes.
I feel pretty self-conscious discussing about it.
I'll talk with my therapist though, since that's a safer space for me.
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Hmm, it might have been a past life or it actually happened. You can dream about things like that when they've happened in a past life. Can you ask anyone about that? Like a parent?
ReplyI'll have to gather up the courage to do that haha, thanks for the feedback though :) I don't know anything about past lives seems interesting though
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