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Dear Eva,
I really like you. I mean, REALLY like you. Like you're catching feelings for Jazlyn, I think I'm starting to catch feelings for you, and I cannot contain them. I know tomorrow Cyrennity is going to ask you out, and I'm happy for you. It's just killing me because I wanna be with you and be able to hold your hand and kiss you and hug you and hold you and love you. But I can't, because that'll be Cyrennity's job and I don't wanna interfere and/or hurt your relationship. Because she needs someone to hold and love, I don't wanna diminish your relationship. I am too scared to ask you out and Cyrennity isn't. She's going to make the move on you and that'll be the end of it. She'll be the one doing all the things I wanna do to you, and I cannot do anything about it. And anyways, what would my parents think even if I could muster up the courage to ask you out? I know damn well they'll resent and reject me. The universe is giving me so many signs and reasons not to date and ask you out, but my mind is spinning, swirling with these constant thoughts and fantasies of being yours. Every time I'm around you I feel comfort and care and love and I really want that. My heart skips a beat each time I hold your hand or pull you into a hug. And when we were in the bathroom and you got sexual my brain automatically went horny really fast. I want that. I didn't want to loose my virginity the way I did, but I cannot change that. And I cannot change the way I feel about you. My head cannot stop thinking about you every night and time I close my eyes, I picture you and you bring a sense of love to me. However, another part of me wants Cyrennity. The way she gets sexual turns me on, and maybe it is I'm seeking sexual redemption from what happened to me but I love that attention. I love it when all three of us get sexy and horny and we make out and give each other hickies and all this other sexual stuff. And I'm sorry if I make you feel uncomfortable but I just feel so in love with the both of you and want sexual and romantic attention. But I can't. Because I'm too scared and won't muster up the guts to ask you out. SO ARGH! I'm sorry if I've been distant and you'll probably never read this but I just needed to get this out somewhere. And If you do read this by any chance I'm so sorry.
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