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I have spent the past six months trying to convince myself that I am not in love with you. I have been trying to tell my heart that it has healed. I have been trying to pretend everything is normal and okay, but nothing is normal with you anymore and I am not okay. I can be so close to you, right in front of your face even, yet I feel like I am in the presence of a stranger whose head is off in the distance; one that is a thousand miles away. I look at you and I see someone who is no longer there. I know that boy is buried deep inside this new person, but I don't know if he will ever return. If I try hard enough, though, I can still hear your voice telling me that you love me; that everything will be okay. As time has passed that voice continues to fade until it only lingers as a whisper heard only to those who chose to listen. It is evident that although you have changed, nothing about my feelings for you have. You could be one thousand different people, change your hair, your clothes, your smile, your laugh, but you cannot change your soul and that is the only thing I see. It pierces me with such force, some days you are all I feel. It is hopeless for me to continue to keep up the façade of hatred and resentment. The truth is that I love you and I can't hide from it anymore. It is clear my love for you is the most unconditional form of love the world has ever seen. I have been running from the fact I love you for so long. The things that happened between us hurt, you make me hurt, but you make me feel something bigger than myself and that in itself is beautiful. It is time I accept that I love you, embrace the joy and the tears and the nostalgia and the pain. The good memories and the bad both contribute to our story, so I shall keep them both. Maybe our story has ended and all I am left with are these memories of happier times, but maybe there is still a chapter or two left to finish. I think it starts with me telling you the truth, the real truth, not the one I want you to hear or the one that will cause me the least amount of pain. They say the truth will set you free, so I guess it is time for me to be just that.
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